this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation

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My dad contacted me out of nowhere (startrek.website)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by TotallyNotSpezUpload@startrek.website to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee
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I'm a bit lost here, to be fair. I went full no contact with my family back when I was 16. Took a hike, even across countries. So, apparently what happened, was my ex brother in law not keeping his mouth shut and sharing my number with my family. I still can't make heads or tails of it. But now my dad wants to be real chummy and friendy with me? Fuck that, honestly. I'm not super mad at him, more at the rest of my family, but it seriously hurts right now. What am I supposed to do? I'm at a loss here. Haven't really talked to the person for over 21 years.

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[–] dil@piefed.social 14 points 6 months ago

"Fuck that" is perfectly valid. You don't owe them anything, and I think you should be extremely selfish in deciding whether to talk to them. You went no contact for a good reason.

Is there something you want to hear from them? E.g. "I'm sorry"
What would you want from the relationship?

IF you decide that you want a relationship, having clearly defined reasons for why you're doing it will help in assessing if you're getting what you want from it, and if you should continue the relationship.

YOU call the shots. YOU define the boundaries. There are no wrong answers.
Want to talk to him (and him only) on the phone for 20 minutes, once a year? Perfectly fine.
Happy birthday texts only? Valid.
You like no contact? No problem.