this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2024
724 points (98.9% liked)
The Onion
4775 readers
1386 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Here's one that's real: he's promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.
He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident
Yea, except somehow we'll end up with something worse replacing it.
High fructose fentanyl syrup
No no, Trump's tariffs on China are payback for not watching entanyl exportr. Just a stream of consciousness.
I don't think your corn growers would be very happy with that.
Fuck 'em. They'll survive on their many subsidies.
Once they raise the global temperatures enough all of the Iowa corn farmers can just farm rice and sugar cane along the Iowa coastline.
I propose we lower Texas enough to flood the Great Plains and revive the Ordovician Sea.
Or those of the pecan pie persuasion.
Use golden syrup, sorghum or honey?
Admission: I can’t stand pecan pie because of it’s hyper-sweetness. Maybe less corn soup would help?
I think the problem is pecan pie's entire existence depending on something terrible lol
Whatever, they'll still vote Republican.
Hell try and then we'll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy'd him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren't some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.
There's a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.
How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They're literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.
I don't think Canada has it banned either lol
Just gotta elect a guy with a brain worm, I guess...?
Nah, we kinda just follow the US.
America Hat is part of America I thought?
All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don't see the irony that they're really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women's bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.
Yeah, and to be clear, I'm not thrilled about him being in charge of health, but if that's gonna be one of his things that he gets right, I would be stupid not to take what little solace I can get.
This implies the US is a developed country.
I mean, it is by most definitions that I'm aware of. It might be run by fascists, oligarchs, and ultracapitalists, but it's definitely developed.
I'm not sure what standard you are applying that would place it in a "developing" or other category.