Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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You're heartbroken mate, and speaking from experience it fucking sucks. I wasn't technically cheated on, but a week after doesn't make it feel any better.There is no way to really get past it - some say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but TBH I've never tried it. You're not just losing the person, you've lost the future you have planned together and are now trying to live a new one.
Best I have is that it takes time. You will find it getting less and less often, and hits less and less hard until its just gone.
This does work most of the time but you also run the risk of falling for someone who isn't a great fit and then you're back in the same cycle.
Time heals all wounds, but that doesn't mean you won't have a scar.
Thanks mate. I'm not heartbroken, but the thing is I HAVE NO FEELINGS AT ALL. If anything I feel glad that I found out she had a bf and blocked her, instead of staying with her not knowing about it. In all honesty. I'm just bored and tired that the relationship occupies my mental resources. There's nothing else to think of when I'm not actively doing something. You're right, it feels like I lost the future and now I'm not sure what it feels like to be single. I'm carrying on with my studies but when I'm not studying or watching youtube I find myself thinking of the relationship and I have to force myself to do something I can't just sit and not be bored.
I used to think of calculus and mathematical problems all the time when i was single, I solved all of those complicated problems by now. Now I have nothing to think of at all. I know this doesn't seem a reply to your post, and thank you for your advice, but the major issue isn't heartbreak anymore - more so the unproductivity and boredom on my head that keeps lingering.
You say getting under someone else helps.. that's a good idea, but how can I find solace in myself at the moment? I don't want to be with someone just because I can't deal with this myself. Thank you.
Heartbreak isn't just the traditional movie heartbreak with ice cream and a bestie. The no feelings at all is a sign of grief and denial.. I remember the numb, distracted feeling all to well even after 18 years, two ex girlfriends and and amazing wife with 3 kids. Even though you broke up with them for good reason and did make the right choice, you have still lost that future and those annoying hormones, habits and instincts still like to kick our evolved ass, - its why your mind keeps coming back to it when you are idle.
Like all things, it takes time. At risk of quoting Big Mouth/ Human Resources "The only way out is through". It can't be avoided or blocked, you just have to take the time to work through it. Im really sorry there's no magic pill (I looked, gaming was a nice distraction) , but I would warn you to be careful with alcohol and drugs - the can make you feel something but puts you on a dangerous path.
That first paragraph was a great explanation. Thank you for that perspective there.
It’s kind of weird that first relationships rarely do work out. It’s only the third day now so maybe I should let time do its thing. This will only make me stronger but this does make me afraid of having a relationship in the future! Will not touch any drugs, thanks.
Hey mate, just going through my account and thought id check in
It's been so long man. But damn I had to struggle, and I am at a better place now. Still a student, but I have grown a lot. Bless you for helping me at a vulnerable time. It still hurts sometime, but I know I have made a lot of progress in positive things.
Great to hear from you - haven't forgotten and good to know you're kicking ass. People forget that growing is painful, if it wasn't we would have already done it.
Keep at it mate, remember me at your wedding because you're going to get there.