A Boring Dystopia

This is where there isn't great translation when looking at macro numbers (like the chart that lists median house prices) and trying to apply that info to the micro numbers, like one specific person.

Even the median home listed here in Iowa at $204k doesn't mean thats the cheapest house. There are houses cheaper (and those that are more expensive), but the median represents a closer number when looking at large numbers of houses.

I’m “uneducated” and rapidly approaching 40 so my employment prospects are severely limited.

Its never too late to bolt on additional education. It can be a college degree, but it doesn't have to be. It can also be trade school or industry specific certification. I highly recommend looking at your options. I too was a non-traditional student and complete get my Associates degree until was in my early 30s and Bachelors just before 40. Having those let me leapfrog several income levels in a short time. Its not the degrees alone, but the other skills I (and probably you) have that wouldn't be considered without that degree. I now have trade school, college degrees, industrial certifications, and decades of experience. All of these together made employment very manageable.

I'd be happy to share my experience as a full time working adult and part time college student in their 30s if you want that. The short version is, being an undergrad college student as an adult is easy mode compared to doing it when you're right out of high school.

You're going to be 45 years old in the years ahead irrespective of what you do. Wouldn't you prefer to still have that "uneducated" status then or would you like that to be different?