spiderjuzce

Whenever I hear cis gays talk about their life I get really sad. I never got a place I could feel valued or wanted as a trans guy. Not even in trans communities. I've had gay people yell at me about ChilfilA and JK Rowling even tho I never brought those topics up. I've had gay people hit on me only to be grossed out even tho they knew I was trans. I just want to cry because people yelled at me wishing people like me could go away.

I give up in general because people are terrible and I don't feel valued in any way. All I can do is save up to move and be a recluse.

So I was in my car and venting about how I hate Americans because of the vast amount of shit and hate and discrimination I've had to deal with on top of people here not believing in mental health problems so I'm expected to perk up magically even tho I've experienced threats of violence and dehumanization. People where I live are so hateful that if I said that last sentence out loud they would get angry because they don't care what happens to people like me.

So even at home I have to stay as quiet as possible because there is no privacy here from the neighbors or "family." My car is the only place I can vent. On the way to work I said I hate Americans and somehow my boss knew because after that he kept making comments about how he and I are just dumb Americans, something he never said before and he normally doesn't talk like that.

Then he tried to guilt me because he's black and his ancestors didn't choose to come here.

Anyone of any background can go thru shit and no one can say otherwise and if they do then they're just wrong. Nothing will change that reality and there are no excuses for treating people like shit.

Trans guy here dealing with people constantly talking about me among other shit they've done because I've always lived in conservative areas. Even other queer people were awful especially gay and trans people.

I'm gonna move but I still won't be able to afford top surgery yet. I've been back on T for a while so I pass for the most part. I wanna go stealth after the move but how can I go stealth in a big city without isolating myself as a straight guy?

I'm pretty sure people in my small town are trying to get me to off myself but I love spiting people. They gossiped to hell and back about me and even people who knew it was wrong treat me like a pariah. They spread my deadname and called me slurs. Keeping a job here is hard but I'm saving as much as I can to move. Every time I work somewhere people try to fuck me over and management never does anything. I've left multiple jobs from sexual harassment and gossip. Even my art online will get stalked by them after I move but I love it too much to give it up.