chraqs

That is awful.

Man, it feels like I'm talking to myself. When I'm having a heavy work week I also tend to only go twice. I'll tell you what I tell myself though, twice is plenty if I pick up the pace again in a week or two. And it is geniunely hard to get to the gym if you work, much harder than it is to actually do the exercises. No use beating yourself up about doing more than most people do anyway.

I'm lucky to finally be at a place where my ADHD feels truly under control, but I still get really pissed off if anyone insinuates I'm lazy or not committed to something, because like you that's what I internalised years ago and I literally had to stop thinking that way to become productive. People throw the word lazy around too easily.

And lastly I relate so much to your anxiety. I live in Africa and I have this consistent underlying fear that something completely out of my control could kill me or rob me of my dignity. Especially with climate change becoming more serious now like you said. Obviously there's always the risk of death anyway but I don't want to die because of a fucking flood or a drought. And beyond that I'm really worried about stuff like my pension even though I'm fucking 24 lol. If everything goes ass up what the hell happens to my money?

It sucks man, and the common advice of "don't worry about things out of your control" seems so cheap when these things could kill us or put us on the streets. I don't know where to go with any of it yet, still trying to find a way to make peace with the state of things. But I will say I'm not sure if the answer is just dealing with it better, because that kind of implies that at the moment you aren't trying hard enough, when to be frank everything might be so messed up that this state of anxiety is just normal regardless of how hard you try to deal with it. Shit is complex

I have very bad anxiety as well, and I can't take the most common medications for it due to problems with benzo addiction. For the most part I can manage it without meds but when it becomes overwhelming what I do is cancel any plans and gtfo of where I am, and go to the gym and do strength training until my body and mind are too fatigued for me to continue worrying about nothing. This will put me in a more relaxed mood for the entire rest of the day.

I know a lot of people struggle to find the motivation to get to the gym. For me I try to see it as me owing myself the peace of mind it gives me. I don't work out to get jacked or be healthy. I work out because it's one of the few things that can slow my brain down.

I also have ADHD and it contributes to my anxiety when I feel like I can't focus or be productive in the areas I need to be. I know you said "without meds" but I would consider medicating just the ADHD if you can afford it. And personally, Concerta, Ritalin and Adderall all made my anxiety worse. Vyvanse is the only medication that makes me focus without making me more anxious.

Other than that, my last and most controversial mention would be smoking marijuana or even just getting some kind of CBD if you're particularly anxious some nights. This isn't for everyone, and if you have problems with addiction you need to be very careful. But personally I need to be able to sometimes forcefully tell my brain "okay worry time is done now" and weed works well for that, especially if I have been to the gym earlier.

Hope you survive alright my friend.