I've been struggling with whether to get an autism diagnosis or an adhd one (or to blow the money on therapy instead). I feel like I'm functioning less and less the older I get and sometimes wish a test trial of stimulants could tell me if I had ADHD.
Like if I functioned better on meds then I'd know I'm ADHD. I know it's not a logical wish but I hate all the loopholes and money. I struggle to make medical appointments for anything that is immediately obvious like a wound or rash. Need to get a script ready in my head and hate advocating for myself or the kids to indifferent professionals.
I also have a small patch to work with and it is so rewarding. I started reading about permaculture because I hated the idea of added npk fertilizers to make plants grow. It felt so unintuitive and daunting to me.
The moment I read about dynamic accumulation, soil life cycles and guilds it was like a bomb went off in my head. I was so excited I had to read everything I could. I love the idea of a mostly closed cycle and reusing as much of what the garden and my kitchen waste could provide.