Librarian

joined 4 months ago
[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 28 points 6 days ago (1 children)

If Trump cuts social security, it’s euthanasia for me. I’m too disabled to care for myself and prefer killing myself than starving in the streets.

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Due to my memory problems I don’t remember most of what I read for long. But I really enjoyed a deep dive into learning about purpoises the other day. If you’re ever bored, or want to get through a commute, reading random wikipedia pages and seeing where the links take you is quite enjoyable in my opinion.

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

I’m deaf and mute. I was focusing on Manifold Learning but due to neurocognitive deficits I’m unable to continue with math. I’m able to use my phone and communicate sometimes but most of the time I’m only able to be alone with my thoughts. But I do enjoy watching some repetitive shows when my condition permits (animated sitcoms tend to be the easiest to follow with my cognitive problems).

Though what I spend most of the time I’m able to go on my phone is endlessly scrolling through wikipedia and learning new things, it’s what really excites me.

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Aquired. I was actually a math student at one of the top 5 universuties in the world before I got struck down. I was engaged too. I had everything, and then nothing… I’ve been pretty good at adapting to the new life. After a couple months of feeling sad I was able to make the best of it. But sometimes the physical pain and fact that there is almost no chance I ever get better hits hard.

I did go to public school though but skipped a couple years ahah.

As someone with an aquired disability, The thing that hurt the most about others is them being overly positive. Like them saying I’ll get better when I’m almost certain not too, or them acting like my disability is a phase that will pass. I imagine they did it of good faith. But to me it’s denying who I am as a person, my struggles, and my pain, acting like it doesn’t really exist. It almost felt like a coping mechanism more for them than for me.

Thanks for your answer by the way.

 

Posting from a throwaway. [TW contains a little bit of internalised ableism and touches on Suicide and Firearms]

I’m heavily disabled. Like can’t move or get out of bed type disabled. And sometimes lose the ability to communicate.

Anyways most of the time I’m happy to be alive. But the fact I couldn’t kill myself if I wanted to really makes me feel trapped. I take medicines given in a daily pill box, I’m IV fed water and food, and I can’t get out of my bed. There is literally no way for me to end it.

All I’m doing is laying here draining my family’s resources. I love learning, and most of the time that’s enough. But when the pain get’s really bad, or my disease starts to progress or worsen. I just want it to end. And not even having that option, or being able to communicate it, is terrifying. Like I could be stuck in an endless cycle of pain and suffering and not be able to let go even if I wanted it.

At the same time, in better periods I’m glad I’m alive. And if I did have a gun on my bedside table, I can remember more than a dozen moments I’d already have ended it. It’s like I only need to feel suicidal 1% of the time for my life to end if I have access to a weapon, so the other 99% feels glad that I don’t.

I don’t know what I want from this post. But I guess this is my message in a bottle. I needed to get this out there and throw it away.

If you’re here, thanks for reading. I hope your day went well. Peace.

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

Thanks.

While the daily beast is a fun read, it’s hard to make out where they exaggerate and dramatify things

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

Proud cat lady here

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

This isn’t even bronze age bruh some primitive societies had women who specialised into certain tasks not have children for various reasons. Or even for paganist (religious) reasons.

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 2 points 4 months ago

Crying and laughning simultaneously as I apply for a visa to leave this, as our facist overlord would say, “shithole country”

[–] Librarian@lemm.ee 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Is there a way to filter gifs or somethinf. This nearly gave me an epileptic seizure