Thing is, i don't think of myself as primary "autistic". I am "not always like this" -- sometimes i can be lucid, or "awakened" as some call it.
Therefore, i like to make the distinction between neurodivergent and autistic. For me, being autistic is those times when i feel handicapped; disconnected, unable to converse properly, anxious, readily picking up any spirit there is in the room. I wouldn't necessarily call that state pathologic but it can for sure lead to such consequences. After all, that is also part of my work. --
I had learned what that was about, that i used to feel so misplaced, when i had run into autistic burn-out. That was actually very relieving to have found out ... it finally had a name!
Yet i am still neurodivergent.
[ Yeah, this is going to be a bit lenghty. This is how i'm doing right now. ]
Yet actually, i had found out something much more exciting much earlier. That was back in 2010, when a series of notable events climaxed in my first awakening. That's a thing which can not be truely described. It needs to be personally experienced in order to be fully embraced. The best description i can give is that most people are like sleepwalking. Once we awaken, we just know. --
Those who see, they know ...
(And now i wonder if there might even be someone who has received the other parts of this formula. They would greeet me back for sure. :-)
In another culture which i'm not following -- and i think it's a kind of dangerous philosophy -- there is but a word for this which has a nice sound: satori. It went very suddenly, that one day i knew my true Self. Some may call it "divine" and it very well seemed so to me. But what is divine anyway. We are all an aspect of that. ... Anyway, from there on my path in life should nevermore be the same. I left the highway and went into rough territory.
One can perhaps already see how even speaking of an "I" had become rather complicated, because technically the one who is making the sounds and does the thinking, that human, has become a mere instrument of that which is truely the Self. An avatar we can call it. My avatar. One who is sometimes a little autistic.
That is not really the story now to tell. So, fast forward ...
[ Intermezzo: this shitty music streamer always plays me the same stuff, but now this fits, so if anyone wants to listen into it and connect through time to where i am, here you go: Karuna (Unknown Reality Remix) ]
Okay, hahah ... fast forward to 2019, there i finally found out that this avatar had a slightly autistic issue. It had gotten worse. -- But i had done my due process, slowly but surely, therefore i can now claim to have likely found a key to step out of the autistic state.
Yet i am still neurodivergent. And this is important.
This is actually the beauty about it. -- I am not always "like that". I can be quite lucid, and that is something else! Neurodivergent people are capable of doing arts of another kind. I'm doing that as well. Sometimes. If i'm not miserable. If i'm in a nourishing environment. It's hard to explain, but the ones who see me they know me. I think this is what i'm up to; I'd like to know if anyone else has experiences of this kind. It's of a spiritual kind. Your mind has learned it is to be the servant, and boah what a relief! ... If you can follow intuition (i did train that and the key i'm talking about is right there), if you are -- well sometimes -- guided and protected, and you know that with your divergence, you will do magic ... then you might be one of those i'm asking the universe for, to find.
There is kind-of a second episode to this post -- Creating a neurodivergent playground and art collection. See you there!
And anyway, check out Unknown Reality, perhaps Gaia -- the polyrhythmic pieces -- the man is a genius -- and when you hear the second CD of the same double album, which is by Braincell, who is actually the same guy Ralph K. ... and you plug in your earphones ... and if you want to crank that up louder -- there you dance with me! Heh! ๐