Asklemmy

Before I wanted them to have a phone, I got a second d phone. It was my phone, not my kids phone. I would let my child take it when they went for a ride, or stayed over with a friend, or whatever. But it was my phone. If I had to take it off them, I wasn’t taking their phone, I was taking my phone. The difference is important. It also gave them a chance to learn appropriate use, and normalised me being in control of it. By age 10-11 the phone was basically theirs, in their hands, but the control is still mine. So my advice is don’t give the phone to your child, especially it as a present. It’s more difficult to take something of theirs away, but if they borrow something of yours, it’s much easier.

Honestly, if I can afford it I'm getting it to them whenever other parents are getting it to their kids.

There were plenty of parents who held off on getting things like TV, the Internet, and it had no pronounced effect.

My buddy just had a kid and proudly said "they're never getting a smartphone." And I was like "dude you slept over my house to watch porn because you didn't have Internet in the 90s. You do you, but like... Idk. That won't go the way you think it will."

Unrelated to the question but can we please drop the Reddit habit of adding “of Lemmy” to the question? You’re asking Lemmy, no need to add it to every question.

No ill will to OP!

My kids are grown now so my comment probably isn't all that relevant anymore, but I don't think there should be a set age to give your kid a smart phone. Different kids mature and learn at different ages, even ones from the same household.

For my kids, I got them their first phones in their early teens but those phones were somewhat restricted so that we could still communicate easily but we knew they couldn't get into too much trouble with them. As time progressed the restrictions slowly lifted as we knew we could trust them more to not get into trouble with them.

I've always believed it's not a parents duty to protect their child from the world as much as it is to prepare them for it. Of course kids are going to make stupid decisions if you let them go too far (we all have) so I think it's more about slowly easing them into things and helping them make the right decisions the best we can.

3 kids. 13, 11 and 11 now. 10 years old was what my ex and I did with data plans coming a year after that.

Phone is like any other tool. It is my job as a parent to teach my children the proper way to use it.

Small advertising for !parenting@lemmy.world

Can't remember when exactly. But basically as soon as they wanted to roam around in a bigger radius. Maybe 6, 7 or 8. It gave them the security to explore. They know that it's GPS tracked. And if they don't feel well they can always call us, even if it's just so that they don't feel alone.

Sure, we didn't have that as kids. But we also had phone booths on every corner and some change in our pockets.

We gave my son a smart phone at 8, because his mother and I lived in different states and he flew as an unaccompanied minor a LOT. I also lived in Oakland and I wanted to be able to reach him and to know where he was when he was with me.

We had strict rules about when he was allowed to have it on and when he was not allowed to NOT have it. We also didn't get him a data plan and made him use Wifi.

As a result of him actually being impressively responsible with that phone, we turned on the data and relaxed the rules probably years earlier than we would have under other circumstances.

My oldest got a smart watch which could make calls only to preset numbers that we added (mom, dad, grandma, aunt, and one neighbor who had a son the same age) at 9. That's when he started getting dropped off at friends' houses without a parent sticking around (mind you - this was just coming off COVID lockdowns, so we may have done it sooner if there was a need to). I wanted him to always be able to reach us in any situation. He's a really responsible kid, so he got a full smartphone the summer after 5th grade (11) when he went on the class trip to Washington DC. Currently in middle school with a smartphone and no issues yet, plus it gives us something valuable to him to take away if we feel he's letting grades slip, etc.

My second does not seem to share the same level of responsibility, so he did not get his smart watch until 10. He may not get a smartphone anytime soon. It depends on the kid.

My youngest is 8. Time will tell about how responsible he is, but Lord - this is the child that WILL need to call us. Always getting into something 🤦🏻‍♀️.

It’s shown in school that kids who get phones and tablets before 5 have a hard time using computers with a keyboard and mouse interface.

Having a dumb phone is a current consideration. We have a smart phone on a separate carrier that we loan to a kid on an as needed basis like sleep overs so they can contact us in an emergency.

I’ve told the kids I’ll buy them a smart phone when they can afford the monthly service. It’s not that I can’t, it’s that they will need to learn how to manage money, and having to pay for my pager in the 90s was a good start for me. Not getting it sooner means it won’t feel like a punishment when they start.

I've got twin girls. We held off on smartphones until this past summer when they turned 13.

One couldn't wait to have a smart phone and now handles her own entire social life through it and is happier than ever now that she can communicate with her friends non stop.

The other simply did not want a phone. We asked a dozen times and she said she wasn't interested in one and didn't think she would use it. Since she's with her twin 75% of the time anyway we decided not to push.

Chaperoned a group of 13-14 yo 8th graders to a school-organized out-of-state civics trip. Only one kid out of ten didn't have a smartphone. 🤷🏻‍♂️

We got ours a flip-phone around 11 to coordinate after-school pickup, then a smartphone at 13, mainly because of involvement in cross-country and wanting to know where the kid was. Social apps or gaming with strangers will be disabled until 16.

Our first daughter had a old smart phone at about 8 (she has just turned 9). It doesn't have data turned on, so is more or less a dumb phone unless she is at home. I don't think her little sister could care less about getting one.

I think that it's good for her to have one as it means she can contact us if she goes up the road to her friends or park/shop.

She doesn't have it for at school or general day to day life - so it may not be the best example

When they started staying after school for functions like choir or sports and I wanted them to have a way to tell me they were done. It was for their safety but also for my own selfish reasons. Win win.

15, before that it was a dumbphone for emergencies. Had a tablet too, but use was restricted and the device was locked down.

I would keep a small dumb phone as a family phone for when kids go on trips and sleep overs. They get a personal smartphone at around the age of 16 or 18.

My kids are 5, and Im not sure it's on the horizon in the next few years. There are no answers here, but I have the same question and have been wondering about how others approach this.

I didn't haven't my first phone until 25, and it's a different, much more connected world now, however.

We started at 3y/o. With that said we did so in a controlled way. So the original plan was a tablet but for a fraction of the price we got a very basic smartphone with no service meaning just at home with internet. We started with a max of 20m once a week to make it kind of special but nothing something to become crazy about. Over the years we have given more time for things like chores with a max of 2h a week typically stretched out over the week and some times we would just have a lazy day with it so all 2h in one go. We knew it was tech that she was going to need skills with so we don't count things like learning math or enligh against the hours allowed. We began practicing how to text and make calls with our phones and routinely make blocked calls when she's using one of our phones to see what she does and to encourage open communication with us. For us this method has worked amazingly but I know this is not the norm for most.

I guess my kid was 16 when he got his first cell phone. I was 26 before I got my first cell phone. Being older solved this difficult problem for me.

Depends heavily on where you are (and customs around your community)

For me, my parents gave me a smartphone when I was going to college, I kid you not.

Yes, I wished I had it sooner, but I turned out ok. Glad they didn't tho. social media additions and withdrawals are real.

Edit: If I get corned with smarty-pants about this, Jakra@aussie.zone's tactic is the way to go.

Mine is almost 12 and I’m not sure she is ready for that. She has an iPad now and her friends all chat via Discord. I have an old phone for 911 calls only.

Apple Watch with a cellular calling plan when he started walking to school by himself, at age 8. No need for a proper phone for a while.

My wife and I had this conversation the other day. Our kid is only two right now, but as we've learned, these milestones sneak up on you.

I used my own life as a guide to my opinion, and so landed on age eight or so. That's around the age I remember being able to go to the park or to a friend's house within the neighbourhood on my own.

Other questions about how much functionality the phone would have and how much access they would have to it at home are still to be determined.

My son has had access to an iPhone 6s and iPad 2 since he was 1 or so (7 now). His devices have always been moderated to prevent him from seeing inappropriate content whether by accident or on purpose, and as he gets older I ease up on the restrictions. We have had little to no issue with him being attached to the devices, and my opinion is because he had mostly free reign over his usage barring bedtime. Even to this day he prefers to be outside playing.

I'm sure we're all familiar with getting something we all wanted later in life than most people. We get super attached. I did get my son an Xbox one rather late (he had wanted one for at least a year before he got one), and he is attached to that. Because he spent a good amount of time dreaming and fantasizing about it.

My son is also high functioning autistic, (as am I), if that means anything. But this is my parenting style. Allow freedom within reasonable limits to promote individuality, unlike my parents. He sometimes watches the dumbest stuff on YouTube, but we all did and do. It's not up to me to mold his sense of humor, I just make sure it's appropriate for his age. Regardless if I think it's dumb or not. I'm not 7 anymore.