Asklemmy

I'm answering from the point of view of the alcoholic person you're trying to help, change. I was that person.

Went on for years. People kept telling me risks, I should stop, it was affecting relationships, health, work, etc.

I'd say: I don't have a drinking problem. I'm able to hold jobs. I drink to help cope with certain things. Everybody uses something to cope, alcohol is mine.

For years. Where things changed, late 30s.:

Getting sicker. Medical 420 became a thing. Finally found med that helped with insomnia. Introduced to dbt, cbt. A good psychiatrist.

It's good you care, are trying to help. You might be able to. But... the person has to be ready, willing to recognize they have a problem.

Oh, also, alcoholics anonymous never worked for me. There are secular options. Harm reduction, moderation management worked best for my situation.

never tried it, but heard it's highly effective. get hammered with them and film the whole thing. then show it to them.

Do you really love this person? I mean really, like truly. Cuz you have to realize that this will most probably be like the rest of your life.

I did a similar mistake, married the wrong person out of pitty for her (I wanted to help her). Do understand, people don't change, at least not at the age of 25 and above (I assume you're both not in your teens). Damaged goods is not something I'd be willing to accept again as my life partner. Now I'm stuck with her for the next 15 years or so, till the kid grows up.

Think about having children with this person long and hard and whether you could endure that with a person like that. Marriages come and go, you 2 could get divorced, no harm no faul, but children are for life.

Al-anon