Autism

ADHD person here living with a normie girlfriend and apparently it's not. She gets so upset when I add my own personal anecdotes to the conversation, but when I sit there in silence she accuses me of not listening.

Guys I don't know what to do.

Well apparently I have this paranoia although I think evidence of prior conversations makes it entirely warranted :)

There are degrees. If someone's sharing about their recent stillborn child, it's probably best not to bring up that one time I was 6 and my cat died and I can really, really sympathize. Anyone who worries about this is probably that person and could spend more time asking questions and less time, "relating".

I respect this. I fix computers for a living and people tell you a surprising amount about their lives if you just nod and agree with platitudes like "Oh yeah, I definitely get it." and "That's fair enough"

Hahaha, as a nurse, I think you should become a nurse. This is a clinical skill we are taught called "therapeutic use of self."

I will selectively tell stories from my own personal background explicitly for the sake of drawing more information out of a patient, letting them know they're not alone I've been through something similar, or sometimes just a funny anecdote to distract them from something uncomfortable.

But it's never about something I'm particularly interested in talking about. It's only because it's relevant to the patient's current situation and I feel like it might help them in some way. Because, after all, love y'all and everything, but I'm at work here, not trying to socialize with ya.

And yes...it sometimes feels a little sociopathic lol

It's been mentioned below that you're unknowingly employing a therapeutic skill as a coping mechanism, but it bears mentioning that you absolutely could and should consider with a professional why it arose. Neurodivergence or personality disorders do lend themselves to developing these kind of coping strategies. It might be worth seeing someone to discover if new self-understanding and control are just around the corner.

All people want to do is lecture you and have you tell them they are right

It can be seen as rude because you're interrupting someone's story.

My coworker does this neat trick where she interrupts with, "Oh I have a story too but I'll tell it later. Remind me!"

And I always liked how she does that.

A lot of them are typical experiences that are just much more intense or frequent among ASD/ADHD. So while everyone pees, if you're peeing 100 times per day, then it becomes indicative of a larger issue.

Idk about other instances, but almost anyone I had a long conversation with seems to do this...

You forgot mirroring-repeating what they said back to them as if it was your input. "So what you're saying is..."

And when are they appropriate or inappropriate?

This is my big problem. In a group where people are telling stories about themselves, when it’s my turn, my stories are inappropriate somehow. In 50+ years, I still haven’t figured out what I say that’s wrong,

I’ve spent ages analysing my stories compared to others and I can’t figure out the difference, and no one will tell me. Is it the content (seems comparable) or how I tell it?

It seems better to just say ‘pass’ in those situations and stop engaging.

Other forms of back channeling like ah, ok, yes, I see, wow?

I think the expectation is that you ask questions about their story as opposed to telling your own as it shows interest directly and lets them continue to be the focus of the interaction. If someone came up to you and started a story about their weekend, it seems to be expected that instead of saying "mine too I did xyz" (if that happens to be similar) we're supposed to ask about their weekend in more detail so they can keep talking about their story.

Sucks because the way I relate is exactly how OPs image puts it lol I'm showing I can relate by saying I've been through a similar thing, but that's harder for people to realize I guess and it takes the focus away from the person talking.

This is a non autistic neurotypical thing to do too. If you get someone who is bitching at you saying an occasional 5 second aside showing that you relate to what they're saying, they're just an asshole, and they're in the wrong.

I mean if you're doing every other sentence, then yeah, that's a bit much. But now and then is expected and someone who wants a half hour of center stage quiet from the audience should find a stage and a brick wall