this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 13 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

Why have I seen this joke 500 times in the last 2 weeks in meme format and in shorts format and multiple languages?

[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 10 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

we (men) are trying to get back in the coven's good graces so they can help us with the source of all human misery (dick too small)

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I thought witches stole semen

[–] KairuByte@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 hours ago

Why steal it when they’d have lined of men willing to trade it for a bigger dick?

[–] blx@lemmy.zip 5 points 4 hours ago

The source of all human misery? Oh man, as if I didn't feel the pressure enough already...

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 78 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I cast a spell to make them titties just bounce

I speak in a language only wizards can pronounce

Gimme my spells, gimme my book, gimme my cauldron and something to cook

I'm a crazy ass wizard, I ain't going to die, trust me on that, many have tried

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 36 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

Spell activates, but all men in a 10 km radius get instant double D cups.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 7 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (2 children)
[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

Yes, but the best we can do is the project catnip ears that are clipped, indicating you are spayed or neutered.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago

Chalice with that potion that sets in motion the erosion of reason for commotion like fire in a ball where you dance not slow but real low unlike damage 5d6 to the liver but got an organ grow lotion see so I'm good G.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 91 points 21 hours ago (5 children)

Ancient solutions??? Shit! That would work TODAY!!!

If Kamala Harris had promised bigger penis's to all men if elected, she would be president right now.

Thats how I know all those pills and whatnot aren't worth trying. If ANYTHING worked, it would become a competition. And suddenly it wouldn't even be about if women liked it. Guys would be walking around with 60 inch dicks complaining they aren't big enough, because their neighbor is 90 inches soft.

And the human race would end, because no woman would be able to even take dicks anymore, so they'd just stop having sex.

And guys would STILL keep growing.

But none of that is real. So I know anything selling penis enlargement is a scam without needing to even try.

[–] ben_dover@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

sounds like what women do nowadays, with their bolt-on fake tits, duckface lips and glued on eyelashes. it looks disgustingly unnatural and ridiculous

[–] Damage@feddit.it 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Something can be ancient and still valid today.

We're still using many Roman bridges.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 hours ago

forms penis into Roman bridge

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 35 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (3 children)

Honest to god, 4-7 inches is indistinguishable. Everyone’s dick is fine. The vagina only has nerve endings down like 2-3”. It’s only really gay men who are size queens, because it’s different for anal. I’ve had good sex with guys with 3”, I’ve had terrible sex with guys with 8”. The size had zero to do with the quality of the sex, it was more about respect/kink/other shit.

Taking 9”+ hurts. Some people are masochists and like that, but istg dick complexes are ridiculous.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 11 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Man I hate it when I'm around someone with a istg dick complex.

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 8 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

“I swear to god” - for emphasis because it’s such an obnoxious thing.

If I could afford a phalloplasty, I’d go for 5” and be delighted with it.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 2 points 6 hours ago

Oooohhh. I thought you had somehow completely flubbed typing the word "big", or something like that.

[–] kip@piefed.zip 5 points 10 hours ago

myers brigg dick energy

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[–] Hazmatastic@lemmy.world 39 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Twist: There is a reliable method, but it is being suppressed because penis insecurity drives so many behaviors that it is considered a load-bearing pillar of world economics. Penis equity would lead to global collapse.

[–] defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 16 hours ago

It's being suppressed not by Big Penis, but by Small Penis.

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[–] loomy@lemy.lol 11 points 15 hours ago (2 children)
[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 19 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

No, this is just fanta-sea 🎶

[–] sxan@midwest.social 12 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Caught in a landslide 🎤🎶

[–] Sonor@lemmy.world 14 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

no escape from big wee-wee

[–] squaresinger@lemmy.world 9 points 9 hours ago

Easy cum, easy go

[–] Dragonborn3810@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Damn big wee-wee! They're putting Cum-trails in the sky! To turn everyone gay!

[–] Sonor@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

Cum-trails. Now that is an image straight from the 5g chip in my brain xD

[–] squaresinger@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago

Fanta-sea? Sounds like sugar rush.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 14 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (2 children)

I tracked down the source to simplysilly but am unable to go further due to not having an instagram account.

So far doesn't seem AI. I certify it "likely real."

[–] loomy@lemy.lol 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

Oh yeah that one is real. Hope this helps!

[–] loomy@lemy.lol 2 points 2 hours ago

yes, thank ypu

[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago

Thanks certification bot. Your seal of approval is likely useful.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 37 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Ok, I'm gonna need an Oglaf version of this.

[–] SapientLasagna@lemmy.ca 5 points 4 hours ago

Best I can do is SMBC

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