this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
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memes

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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment

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[–] Omnipitaph@reddthat.com 4 points 47 minutes ago

If you have one guy draw the knife over a long surface and distance, the other two can use that one slicing motion to cut the apples any number of times.

ONE STROKE, 99 cuts!

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 10 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 1 points 44 minutes ago

If your stroke is good enough you don’t have to share the two apples with anyone.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 34 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

I will be the cpt obv

1/3 1/3

<=======]==o

2/3 2/3

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 hours ago

Bold of you to assume I'm not going to go Voorhees on both of them, have an apple as desert and save the second apple for later.

Obviously, I'm not going to eat the other two people. Without cooking them. And with the apple cores, I can make a lovely sauce to go with

[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 53 points 10 hours ago
[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 6 hours ago

I'd rather eat an orange. Apple skin gets stuck in my teeth.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 135 points 13 hours ago (3 children)

Ah damn it's one of those single-use knives.

[–] semperverus@lemmy.world 15 points 6 hours ago

Only if you didn't bring extra knife ammo

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 19 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

That's why you get the knife subscription plan.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 5 hours ago

Don't give them any more ideas.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago

Yeah fuck buying things for life - I am now buying things for death

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 38 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Cross contamination there's a girl there you'll get girl germs

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 12 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Not if they get me germs first

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 9 points 10 hours ago

Thank you for your service and sacrifice, brave little Hitachi wand.

[–] waigl@lemmy.world 83 points 12 hours ago (4 children)

Non-murder solution:

Place and hold the apples precisely on top of one another. (Make sure your fingers are not in the way.) From one side of the apple tower, go horizontally exactly two thirds of the way to the other side. At that position, cut vertically through both apples from top to bottom. You now have two pieces that are two thirds of an apple each, and two pieces that are one third each. The kid you like best will receive the end slices without the apple core in it.

More realistically, disregard the stupid premise and make as many cuts as you need.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 5 hours ago

If the knife is long enough, you could simply line the apples up and do that.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 26 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

The knife looks long enough you could probably cut 1/3 of each apple while they are placed side by side, which might be easier and safer to cut than stacking the apples.

[–] Sc00ter@lemm.ee 0 points 2 hours ago

Yall just cut straight down with your knives? You dont angle the blade and slide it ?

[–] errer@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago

That seems more possible than turning the knife 90 degrees mid-cut

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Take both apples and attach them to a drill. Position the knife on apples so that it starts slicing a long slice as they rotate and run the drill. You'll end up with a long piece of 2 apples and 2 cores. Keep the long peels, give each core to each one of those peasants.

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 38 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

What I find particoularly annoying and interesting, is that most of those "silly/dumb" social network questions are engineered with at least 2, sometimes more layers, for the purpose of getting a reaction not really from the "dumb people" but also, possibly mostly, from the smartass that can't help point out something they think they noticed, incongruity and the likes, unaware that those are there on purpose to bait them in.

This care is a lot more blatant, possibly fake, but the "controversial" interpretation of stabbing one of the children is not an afterthoughts of the sick mind of us memers terminally online, it's probably the core reason the thing has been shared and worded that way.

I just hope my own reaction has not been 100% predicted.

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 7 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

With no snark intended I'm pretty sure thatsthejoke.jpg.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 8 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

no. the meme was created to make you think of stabbing people, with engagement bait paired in. op adds the awkward puppet meme, as if it's a novel idea, but thatsthejoke.xls

the above commenter is pointing out how this kind of engagement just falls for the engagement bait, and describes the type of person who would do so

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 hours ago
[–] CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 13 hours ago

That's socialist propaganda! You see, you cut both apples in half with one cut, everyone gets half an apple and the remaining half is given to someone who struggles affording life.

(/s)

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 7 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

This is impossible as the apples aren't homogeneous. Otherwise: have one person slide each apple across the knife until they feel their side is fair. The slice and pick. This does not work here as there are more than two people.

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

I mean, while we're being pedantic, you can never cut exactly 2/3 an apple for everyone, down to the atoms. Even with homogeneous apples.

[–] LordOfLocksley@lemmy.world 9 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

I guess the answer they are going for is slice the apples straight through, horizontally, 1/3 the way up from the bottom, so you have 2/3, 1/3, 2/3, and 1/3 apple portions. Then you give 1 person the 2 1/3 portions, and the other 2 get one of the 2/3 portions each.

But we all know the actual answer people are thinking of

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

You can cut them just like they are on the table - lop off the outer 1/3 of both the two as they sit. Two people each get 2/3 of an apple including the core, and one person gets two 1/3 apple slices.

But yes, it wants you to suggest killing one of the kids for sure. :)

[–] LordOfLocksley@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

But that wouldn't be one stroke would it? Unless I'm imagining it wrong.

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 3 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (2 children)

Please forgive my crude approximation of an overhead view of the apples and knife.😁

Edited to add the stem area of the apples for greater clarity.

[–] LordOfLocksley@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

You have a lovely pair of.... apples

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Although I now see it too, I assure you with absolute sincerity that I really was trying to create an overhead view of two apples being sliced with one stroke.

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 2 points 16 minutes ago (1 children)
[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 1 points 7 minutes ago

LOL I know further assurances will just look even worse so I'll stop here. 😂

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 4 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Is 6% a cited estimate of the number of psychopaths in a population?

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 6 points 11 hours ago

Only 6% solved the puzzle in the very obvious correct way.

Its the other 94% of people that are subconsciously fully distracted by the opportunity to do violence to see the clear solution that you should be worried about.

[–] desktop_user@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 12 hours ago

slice the center child across the neck to prevent them from eating any, making there be one whole apple for each of the remaining children.