this post was submitted on 02 May 2025
1291 points (98.9% liked)

Not The Onion

16157 readers
1506 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 14 points 6 days ago

THE PROPHECY!

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago

I always thought "D.C." meant "District of Columbia." TIL from the combination of your username and post that it means "Dildo, Canada."

Kind of a weird name for the capital of an entirely different country.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

I’m so tired of this ‘will-they won’t they’

[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

Ah, so that's where I'll find my Super Samples.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 127 points 1 week ago (6 children)
[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 week ago (15 children)

I thought my hand gesture was a chef's kiss for such a confluence of events. Not sure what you're on about.

[–] Theatomictruth@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)
[–] peregrin5@lemm.ee 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Wtf. This is hilarious. Why are men so insecure?

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 0 points 6 days ago

Probably because telling a man he has a small dick is okay but saying a woman has a loose pussy isn't

[–] GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago

I'm not insecure! YOU'RE INSECURE!

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 105 points 1 week ago (3 children)

The prophecy has been fulfilled

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] SoupBrick@pawb.social 100 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] SARGE@startrek.website 32 points 1 week ago

My first thought was ".... Again? They need some better contraceptives" but no, it's the same one... A shame, that would open the door for so many jokes.

[–] k0e3@lemmy.ca 78 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is a sign. The second cumming of Christ.

[–] NONE_dc@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

Thats it, you won the comments section.

[–] 2fm@lemmy.world 70 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Two balls! Wait.. what's that? Over there... It looks like a big...

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Weiner's and beans! Get yer Weiner's and beans! Holy shit kid! over there, that looks just like a...

[–] Stamau123@lemmy.world 53 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Wang! Pay attention!

Sorry teacher, I was distracted by that giant...

[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Cock your head! Do you see it?!

Oh yeah, it looks like a massive...

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Rod, check this out! It looks just like a huge..

[–] Sonicdemon86@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Pecker, oh that's not a woodpecker it looks like a huge ...

[–] Apeman42@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Johnson! Radio the admiral! This ship's about to be plowed by that enormous-

[–] GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

"COCKLES!!! OYSTERS, CLAMS, AND COCK-- say, am i the only one seeing this..."

[–] libra00@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Penistone is a small town in South Yorkshire, England.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 68 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Now THIS is what I want to see from this community

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The universe heard that guy complaining yesterday and said “hold my beer”

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago

Everything reminds me of him 😞

[–] Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 32 points 1 week ago

Even mother nature looked at our present timeline and said "Yeah...fuck it....let's see how crazy shit can get."

[–] jagged_circle@feddit.nl 29 points 1 week ago (3 children)

You think that's big, you should see the size of it under the water.

[–] FlightyPenguin@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Also, this is what it looks like when it's cold.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] NewSocialWhoDis@lemm.ee 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I am kind of disappointing this is actually from 2023 though! It needs to cum again.

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

The phallus iceberg always rises again it seems (accounting for shrinkage).

[–] Initiateofthevoid@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Okay... 2023? How did I miss this? That can't be real. Is it real? Maybe this really is all a simulation. But, like, it's just a game of Sims, and the player started getting bored... It sure would explain a lot.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] HappySkullsplitter@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FoolishAchilles@lemm.ee 14 points 1 week ago

Finally an article that made me believe I was reading the onion

[–] Little8Lost@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

phallus [...] floating in conception bay

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I mean, who names a bay in Dildo county Conception Bay (or vice versa)? The iceberg is just the tip!

[–] macaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This happened two years ago…

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And it still hasn't melted? Checkmate, environmental lobby

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Alas, the iceberg lacked staying power: Pretty photographed the 30-foot (9.1 meter) phallic structure on Thursday, April 27. It collapsed the next day.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Hazmatastic@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

We're gonna need a bigger M&M's tube....

[–] cod@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Most of my family is from very near there. I remember when this happened, it was quite the event

load more comments
view more: next ›