James Bond was an alcoholic, with good reason. He didn't drink vodka martinis for the taste, he drank them to dull the pain and horrors of his job. As much as he drank, he probably didn't really taste the booze anymore.

The original James Bond from the novels was a dark and brooding high-functioning alcoholic, who operated at his best with a drink or two in him at all times. He was pretty useless without the drink. A vodka martini would quickly get him in the right headspace to accomplish his latest mission.

The movie Bond was reinvented to be this dashing, handsome womanizer who drank and smoked socially and was charming as hell. Basically, a 1950s ideal male fantasy. This Bond probably could've used a classier drink than straight vodka, but that's one aspect of the books they kept pretty loyal.

Let's start with Vodka. What a fucking waste. Vodka, at it's best, is supposed to be flavourless. So you're already off to a terrible start. If you're asking for a Vodka Martini you're asking for Strong Vermouth.

So let's get that out of the way. You need the standard gin. Gin is delicious. There are many different Gins to choose from. Gin has actual flavor. I like Hendricks, but try and figure out which Gun you like best. Beefeater is great for a gin & tonic, might not work as well in a Martini. Try a few different options.

Now we've got Gin and vermouth. Those two work together beautifully.

Now I like a good olive. I say make that fucker dirty. Extra dirty. OLIVE ME THE FUCK UP! That's what I want. You want it straight up? Fine. I think it's packing but it's the traditional way and I won't complain. You want a cocktail onion? That's called a Gibson and I ain't complaining.

But GIN THAT FUCKER UP. Fuck off with your weak ass Vodka Martini. I don't care if it's Grey Goose or some other "fancy" shit. That ain't no Martini.

(Though he’s probably responsible for an equal amount of wasted bourbon and whiskey)

Yeah they’re vodka martinis. They ARE terrible lol. Gin is much better, more interesting with the botanicals. I usually do Beefeater gin if they have it

I like them. I make sure to request "extra dirty" so I get a good olive flavor

That's because they're watered down weak martinis. The whole reason you don't shake a martini and you should stir it is because when you shake it it chips the ice and makes it melt faster. By shaking it he's making it weaker.

I read that while the martini was his signature drink, he actually is depicted drinking champagne more frequently in the films. So just drink champagne!

Vodka doesn't have much flavor, but the Vermouth adds a nice touch. Most Vermouth is crap, though and has a sharp edge. The Dolin Dry is more floral: https://www.bittersandbottles.com/products/dolin-vermouth-dry

As for shaking, it's a matter of taste. Vigorous shaking in a covered shaker with crushed ice breaks small shards into tiny crystals. These quickly melt, though, so it's really the very first taste where it's a bit tingly.

Toss in 3 large green olives with garlic or pimento and it's a pretty decent, hard to mess up drink that anyone can make at home.

As a vodka enjoyer, I do love me a good Vodka Martini. But that shaken thing Bond has going on is pure blasphemy.

It's worth remembering that the taste doesn't just come from the vodka so the vermouth is equally important.

Yeah, they are awful. My mate bought all the ingredients and a fancy martini glass, had half of one, and gave up.

You're not wrong!

I'm a fan of the martini - when I'm in the mood to drink. But make it gin, a good one like Boodles or some of the new stuff with citrus notes.

Another good shower thought today!

Even a gin martini is a bit of a mid cocktail IMO

There are plenty of much more interesting spirit forward cocktails out there

So, I would love to know your recipe. Because that's where I'd guess you fucked it up.

I would guess you used vodka and used either too much vermouth or too little. (I'd guess you used too little rather than too much...) But what do I know?

You used dry vermouth, not sweet?