Sharks result in about 8 human fatalities per year.
Humans result in about 100 Million shark fatalities per year.
Suddenly the misrepresentation starts to make sense.
this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2025
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Shark'll just eat you.
A dolphin will drown you and then fuck your corpse.
If that's what it takes to finally get some action.
"oh look, I'm so dead"
waves arms deadeningly
Copypasting an intentionally hingeless rant I sent in a group-chat some years back:
I do not care for the ocean... But most of the ocean is just sorta THERE. They're ugly and freaky but they just do their thing because they are brainless. Someitmes literally. The Man-o-War has giant building-sized tentacles because it LITERALLY does not have a brain, and so compensates by being a living fishing net. You gonna hate on a creature that doesn't even know it exists? Like sure, do that, but it's like being angry at a rock.
Dolphins though? Dolphins are different. Dolphins have tasted of the fruit of knowledge, on the same day humans, corvids, rats, and elephants ate the fruit and were cast out of paradise, the Dolphins crawled out of the sea, climbed the tree with their little flippers, and gorged themselves on those forbidden fruits.
Dolphins have complete knowledge of good and evil. AND THEY HAVE CHOSEN EVIL.
Dolphins hunt for sport and leave their kills to rot.
Dolphins use live blowfish as dolphin weed.
Dolphins rape animals, not limited to other dolphins, but interspecies rape too.
AND dolphins get all sorts of special treatment from idiot humans who think that because they are squeaky and can jump through hoops, they must be like doggos from the ocean. In reality they are the spawn of Satan upon this world.
I hear you, but fuck rocks.
Now this is a hill I can die on
Animals don't have the same moral framework as humans, and their actions are often driven by instinct or curiosity rather than a concept of morality. If we can somehow prove that dolphins have a concept of morality and decide to act upon what they consider immoral, then I suppose that some could be considered malicious/evil. Given their cerebral volume, I believe dolphins have the cognitive capacity for this, but I'm not aware of research that proves it. If anyone has any scientific journals on the topic, that would be an informative read.
If they do in fact have a moral compass, that leans into a wider topic: absolute versus relative morality.
Right, you may see a couch and be curious about a couch, and there’s no moral framework against finding out how those soft fluffy cushions feel, intimately. It’s just instinct. But no, JD Vance has not acted on this instinct
I still remember watching the Halloween episode of The Simpsons treehouse of horror with the Dolphins to this day. It still disturbs and lingers in the back of my mind.
Still ain't petting a great white though. No matter how many pro-shark propaganda memes I see.
Orcas are the biggest of the dolphins, and they are nightmare fuel for anything they decide is food.
Are you a great white shark that just smelled an orca? Better nope out to the other side of the planet before the orca eats your liver.
Are you a seal just swimming along? Oops, an orca just yeeted you 30 ft into the air with a tail slap, and is going to eat your stunned ass when you land.
Are you a smart seal who thinks they're safe on the ice? Nope. Orcas will break up the ice and knock you off using waves.
Are you a grown ass moose casually going for a swim without a worry in the world? Forgot about one of your only natural predators. Now you've been eaten by an orca.
There's a reason they're called killer whales!
But they're not whales...
Yes, they are. Dolphins are a type of whale (And orcas are a type of dolphin).
Well, that's cheating!
Shut up simian. Eat a banana or something.
Yeah, vegetables are healthy.
Sure they are now continue eating the bananas, you definitely can't get radiation poisoning from them.
There is always a relevant XKCD.
Is there a relevant XKCD about how there's always a relevant XKCD?
They are. But are jackdaws crows?
Technically, no. However, they are corvids.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
I would say yes.
You’d be wrong, it’s a taco
Disagree unless it's eaten with a tortilla rather than bread. The materials used matters, not just the shape.
Is a taco not a sandwich?
Yes, but for something to qualify as a taco it needs to use a tortilla.
What about those hard brittle shells?
Can be hard or soft.
That's not what she said.
It's a bit of a misnomer.
Orcas, despite being dolphins, are commonly called 'killer whales' due to a mistranslation of the Spanish phrase 'asesino de ballenas' which means 'whale killer.' This name comes from ancient sailors observing them hunt larger whales.
A more technically accurate translation would've been whale killers.
Dolphins are a kind of whale, so the name works either way.
Only one of these creatures has "decapitated a fish to use as a Fleshlight" on their resume.
They only do that when they don't have a woman scientist to jerk them off.
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