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I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About (www.mcsweeneys.net)

submitted 3 weeks ago by geekwithsoul@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

12 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

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[–] burgersc12@mander.xyz 94 points 3 weeks ago

Both sides are bad because the elves had rings and Sauron had a ring. See, both the same!

[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 54 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

She wants to fill your farmland with trees! Useless trees! No more taters or pipe weed! Good luck digging a new burrow with all those roots. Speaking of roots, did you hear about the Ents? All they do is destroy our towns, ripping our dams apart so they can drink all our water. Horrible, horrible creatures, and they will tread all over your flower gardens if you let this self-centered "elf queen" have her way!

[–] msage@programming.dev 13 points 3 weeks ago

Way too coherent, try again

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 34 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Looks like the orcs are out in force tonight

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 12 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah, I swear I just heard one of them say "Looks like Geek is back on the menu, boys!"

I didn't even know orcs had restaurants? How do they know what a menu is?!

[–] ruckblack@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 weeks ago

I'd really like it if midwest.social would defed from hexbear. It's a nice instance, but the comment sections are often a disaster.

[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

You should focus all your attention on the genocide of the horsemen of Rohan, and absolutely ignore the much larger genocide of the people of Gondor because they should have just surrendered to mordor in the beginning to have peace. Also mordor didn't encourage that other genocide to distract from their genocide at all.

Signed

A concerned citizen from somewhere outside mordor like St. Brandywinesburg.

[–] janitor@sopuli.xyz 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I was under impression that Sauron was for order through subjugation, not chaos.

But in any case that would just make the allegory more fitting.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago

I don't know that Sauron had an ideology per se, more just power for the sake of power. Which allegorically is pretty spot on I think.

[–] rovingnothing29@fedia.io 14 points 3 weeks ago

I would to vote for someone who isn't immortal but NOOOO that's throwing my vote away

[–] uebquauntbez@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

The dark lord has neither a healthy body nor a healthy mind. He's spying on you all. With hiX all-seeing eye.

But as Elrond told a hobbit before:

Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world, Small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.’

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

When in doubt go for chaos... NO DONT I AM KIDDING