this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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[–] Therealgoodjanet@lemmy.world 45 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Damnit, the pope holds all birth certificates? I’m such an idiot, how did I not know?

There must have a massive archive in the Vatican, holding the birth certificates of 8bil people.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

They're actually is a archive in the Vatican, but it's full of all of their dirty laundry and all of the dirt that they've scraped together on world leaders for like 1,500 years. As I understand it there's actually stuff that could start wars down there.

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, the pope keeps all of them in a big book that also says if you have been naughty or nice.

[–] Geobloke@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

Hold on. This changes everything. You mean the pope works for Santa? Or the saint's Clause? I smell a loophole

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

Wonder who’s keeping track with all the new ones coming in every few seconds and all the people dying every few seconds. Must be one busy post office in there.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I am sad that this person has terrible penmanship but they still have nicer penmanship than me.

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Me too. I just got some pens at work I actually like and I am hoarding them all for myself. I put them in my work bag so they're just mine. They improve my handwriting but not much.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

My handwriting has been terrible my whole life, even when I used to write in notebooks all the time. It doesn't help that I'm left-handed and our alphabet is designed for right-handed people.

[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 months ago

I was gonna say it looks like a child wrote it, but I'm honestly not sure I'd do any better 😄

[–] Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I can already see some mail-opening underling in Vatican City reading this and trying to figure out what the sender wants...

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I'm guessing they get a lot of wacko mail at the Vatican.

They even believe some of it.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Isn’t it obvious? He’s “bak” to claim his realm and he needs the kings heir to affirm that he’s returned to earth. Duh.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 24 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

wonderful. a British* sovcit where it makes even less sense because there is literally a sovereign ruler.

edit: or Cypriot I guess, but british birth certificate and Stamps

[–] Vaginal_blood_fart@feddit.uk 2 points 3 months ago

Clearly Staths

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 23 points 3 months ago

A disproportionate number of these cranks appear to be British expats in Greece or Cyprus.

[–] Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just when you think you have seen sovcit rock bottom you spot one with a shovel.

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[–] PythagreousTitties@lemm.ee 18 points 3 months ago

Letters to Santa are getting real out here.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Tell ya what I think boo. I think I need to start scamming sovcits, Christians and MAGA. Why am I not getting rich off these idiots?!

[–] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Considering starting a company more than once.

"I've navigated the system and never need to work again. Join me for my 10 min low production value videos where I explain how I did it. Only $300 pay per view which I need for reasons unrelated to the fact that I apparently claimed my millions correctly and still want cash"

[–] thr0w4w4y2@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Only $300 because not just anyone is clever enough to participate and I want only the best and most clever investors working with me.

[–] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] thr0w4w4y2@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

“Partner” is a very exclusive title in my circle, and I reserve it only for the most discerning investors, who want to climb to the upper echelons of personal wealth. But you seem like just the right kind of person to me, perhaps I can expedite your application - shall we say a small $10k donation to my charitable foundation?

[–] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Great, where's the postage stamp i need to sign over, and do you understand agreements with nautical carriers?

(I cant even drop to this level of stupid when I'm trying)

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

I don't see why not. Sell ear bandages that you've dripped melted chocolate on and say it's from Trump's ear.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 months ago

You don't even need to scam them. They're posting their full birth certificate on Facebook

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The closest I ever got to persuading a flat earther is pointing out that the guy he's getting his mystical nonsense from was trying to sell him a $300 pdf to teach him to open his third eye.

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 3 points 3 months ago

Mmmm that about what I pay the doctor to jam a finger up my...third eye.

[–] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

he struck his last name from his birth certificate, but still left it (or some form of it) written in his letter to the Bishop of Rome at the top in the "from" line.

dumbass.

edit: also, i can't exactly determine what this person is hoping to accomplish here (other than to obtain the signature of the Bishop of Rome). What does he believe that his signature will prove, exactly? That he is, in fact, alive? And how will this be achieved, precisely? also, in what way will it establish him as "a foreign entity" and/or "not a Government citizen"?

[–] Zron@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

A lot of sovcits believe that they are secretly owners of massive amounts of land and gold for one reason or another(reparations, obscure and outdated contracts with Native American tribes, schizophrenia, etc)

They believe that being a citizen of their country means that their parents accidentally waved their right to these resources when they were born, and if they simply separate themselves from citizenship, then the government will be forced to give them the land and money.

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[–] LouNeko@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Why does this persons handwriting look like a 10 year old?

[–] HauntedCupcake@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Most people don't write much nowadays, so probably lack of practice. That said, he's older than me, and everyone I know has way better handwriting

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[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

24 years old? Sounds about right.

Homey is stoned as fuck. Back in the day it was harder to publish one’s batshit rantings to a global audience.

[–] SteakRipums@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Ach. That’s much worse then.

What a dumbass, he actually needs it signed by Pepe.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago

Oh come on, this is just a 5 year olds fantasy documents. Yeah, I know it's not, that makes it just so cringy and painful; how can you make this and not think that the receiver will hang this on their fridge?

[–] EdanGrey@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm so confused (I mean, surprising?), why does the letter have a stamp, and why did he send it to Cyprus?

[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think he’s from Cyprus.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Is a UK stamp. And the birth certificate says from Croydon. Pretty sure cypress doesn't use British stamps

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I understood very little of the text on that picture, can someone clarify?

[–] VirtualOdour@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

It's from a person named Demetri to the pope informing him that he has returned to earth, which I presume is crazy person speak for 'I was born'

He kinda says that because he is created by God and part of God that the pope works for him kinda.

He requires a signature on a document, I think basically saying the pope agrees he was born and is now a person? The birth certificate covers the stated consequences of the popes' decision to sign or not within the given 40-day window. I thought for a moment it said if the pope refuses 'I taze' but alas he said 'take' so no idea what was planned.

He wants to use this signed document from the pope in official situations, especially to 'prove' he isn't a normal citizen that has to pay taxes and license his car but is instead his own personal country that can do whatever he wants and gets free money for.no reason.

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

An interesting version of gnosticism.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

They said Jesus was crazy, too, and look at all the shit it led to for thousands of years. Can we just learn our lesson and give "Dimitriou" whatever he came back for to avoid the drama?

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 6 points 3 months ago

Yeah it would be from Croydon.

[–] CrayonMaster@midwest.social 2 points 3 months ago

Does he think he's jesus? And that the pope has Jesus's birth certificate?

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