Nope. Fuck anybody who tries to tell you that. If you're happy that's all that matters.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
-1 points (48.0% liked)
Relationship Advice
2514 readers
5 users here now
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
-
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
-
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Gotta do it sir fuck them all
If you're happy and compatible, that's all that matters. I can only speak for myself, but I did my rounds, and it simply doesn't matter. Sure, it was fun at the time, but you get nothing rewarding from it. Like you said, she cares about you and your feelings. That's where most people miss the mark. That's the important, long lasting stuff.
As far as being happy in the bedroom with one another, that's a discussion between the two of you. Keep communication open, be willing to try/discuss new things, be respectful with one another, and you're set.
Yeah thanks man will note it
No
Horse shit is what you've been told by the people you mentioned.
Your manhood, or anyone's manhood is not based in sex. Period.
Now, there are differences in how you'd go about navigating a long term relationship that involves sex, depending on how well you know yourself sexually (which goes for any other aspect of the self, but that's tangential). But there's nothing wrong, or lesser, with discovery in a partnership rather than spread out over multiple encounters prior to the partnership.
It is true that it takes trying things, repeating them, and experimentation to develop self knowledge. This is true of sex as much as it is with food, music, art, whatever. So there is the risk that as the partnership progresses, the people involved may discover that their sexual needs differ enough to be a problem.
But the truth is that the best sex comes when partners are paying attention to each other, communicating both during sex and in between times. Short term partners, you never have time to develop the kind of in depth knowledge of each other for the sex to be truly stellar the way it can be with someone you spend the time and effort with.
So, you won't even be missing anything that spectacular by having only one partner as long as both of you are willing to work to make sex good. I promise you, the best sex I've ever had was with long term partners.
The only benefit to "playing the field" is giving yourself time to get to know yourself better outside the bedroom. Knowing what kind of deal breakers you have, knowing how you navigate disagreements, learning from mistakes in particular, that is something you can pick up piecemeal just as well as with one partner.
Sex? Not so much. You will not be a better partner in bed just because you've had experience. Know why? Because no two people are exactly alike with sex. Yeah, you have to figure out the basics of where to put things, and that's pretty universal. But what works to satisfy a partner can vary immensely. The kind of stuff that's mostly universal is in books if you don't want to just try things with a partner. Erogenous zones tend to be fairly universal as an example, in that most people with the same type of genitals will mostly respond to touches in some places more than others.
You still get variances even in the mostly universal things though, so you still have to communicate along the sexual journey with a partner.
And, no matter what any idiot or asshole says, neither vaginas nor penises get worn out or otherwise made lesser by use. Yeah, stds exist, but that's a separate issue easily addressed by medical tests. Your GF's body is just as fresh and lovely as it was with her previous partner. She could have been doing gang bangs and you would have no need for jealousy, though that testing would be a very good idea to do before getting started sexually.
No bullshit, y'all will be fine as far as any previous experience goes. Hell, it isn't like a single partner does anything except maybe let a person know how to tab A into slot B so things can get started. That's the only difference between the two of you, so don't let other people's stupidity screw with your head about it.
Thanks men what a mind opener talk you gave appropriates it
Nah man, consider your self lucky. The only thing you’re missing out on is Heart ache, drama, and meaningless or generic sex. The good stuff comes from finding someone you love and care about.
Yap more that right you are
The biggest issue in your situation is your insecurity.
Keep her.
If you want to experience others, and she does too, consider some form of non-monogamy. If that's not an option, just keep her.
Yap gonna work it out before its too late
No, you are lucky.
Hopefully fingers crossed
Finding the right one on the first try is great! Whatever anyone else says, don't feel like a lesser man. If you ask me, I think they're just jealous.