this post was submitted on 29 May 2024
187 points (96.1% liked)

ADHD

9625 readers
11 users here now

A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

Encouraged:

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Autism

ADHD Memes

Bipolar Disorder

Therapy

Mental Health

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.world
MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.dbzer0.com
187
Do you ever feel like that sometimes ? (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 5 months ago by Xantar@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/adhd@lemmy.world
45 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

When you're at work, do you ever find yourself fantasizing and being hyper motivated about being home to continue THAT thing you're really excited about or should be doing. But then once you get home all motivation evaporates and you end up doing nothing and feeling guilty about it?

top 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] RustyNova@lemmy.world 41 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Same, and I'm trying to fight against it. I've noticed that when coming home I am not just procrastinating, but actually exhausted. Idk if it's due to concentrating all day, or something with me, but I do know that I am tired.

I've started to actually embrace it, and for the time until I get dinner, I just rest. Might sleep even. There's no point in fighting, as I aren't in the mental space to do things. Then after dinner I'm back to do stuff, maybe even later in the night as I am more rested from my nap.

Although another take on it is that things are lot more enticed to do things when you can't/don't have them.

I am not a doctor, nor claim what I do is healthy, but that's just my experience. If anyone got tips I'm listening

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Me too. I wish I could devote the amount of time/energy to hobbies that I do to work, but my job pays for that time and attention, so they get it

I've got so used to that way of operating, I actually have some difficulty marshalling that same kind of focus (such as it is...) to hobbies or projects I actually care about.

It takes me a pretty long "runway" (like longer than 2 days without paid work) to build up the gumption to even consider doing something self actualizing.

Even then, I'll usually just do a udemy course that's good for my career or whatever. I'm fkn corpo brained mates 🫨

[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I empathize with you so much I wish I could just give you a hug. For real.

It's the state religion of "total work." Most of us are kept on such a short leash with such exhausting drudgery and with the background of every waking moment shouting about how our situation will destabilize at any moment, so we have to deliver more "value" lest we get left behind to die.

So we start weighing every single thing in the languages of currency, and business, and "return on investment." The final and often terminal corpo-brain-rot stage is when we convince ourselves we actually like this state of being.

Anymore, people can't just do, or be, everything has to be a "side hustle" or "monetizable". It somehow paywalls the arts or hobbies into being something pursuable only if you've got limitless energy or are born into an environment that fosters it.

I dunno what the answer is...my therapist kept trying to convince me to set aside a block of time that I respect for things like this. I still want to do that, but I'm in this community for a reason LMAO.

But every act of creation for its own sake is an act of rebellion against being turned into a commoditized consumer-laborer. An act of humanity.

It sounds so backwards, but maybe try to join a group or other kind of "accountability" friends that will hold you to doing this thing you actually enjoy. It might be really hard to break out of this perverse culture, but you might even find more energy if you allow your inner child to play once in a while. :)

Whatever it is that your soul lights up for, I'm praying you find a way to pursue it. We don't get a second chance. <3

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 months ago

The final and often terminal corpo-brain-rot stage is when we convince ourselves we actually like this state of being.

Ack. Very much "Winston Smith loved big brother" vibes. But I understand how someone might get tired of raging and raging and only getting sadder and less happy. I think I flirt with it at times myself, but then feel guilty for being a content little worker cog. It's a betrayal of one's human dignity, but easier for some to give in to being one of these "consumer-labourers."

. It might be really hard to break out of this perverse culture, but you might even find more energy if you allow your inner child to play once in a while. :)

That's good advice. I'm actually in a game dev book club and a writing club lol, but often these become another reason to feel guilty for not actualising more... Maybe I need to shift my perspective on them... Emphasise fun rather than thinking of them as tasks like I would do with work.

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! This is the second such one from you that (insofar as I look at user names) has truly touched me. Truly, I appreciate it. <3

[–] Jtskywalker@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

I often do that too. Sometimes I literally lay on the floor. I'm becoming more and more aware of my limited capacity and I'm trying to figure out better ways to regulate it so I don't feel entirely zapped all the time.

[–] Bad_company_daps@lemmy.ca 19 points 5 months ago

Every single time

[–] TypicalHog@lemm.ee 11 points 5 months ago (4 children)

ALWAYS. Maybe you have ADHD. Weed helps me IMMENSELY with that.

[–] Martineski@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"maybe you have adhd"

Please check the sub name. Lol

[–] barsquid@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

What better proof that they know what they're talking about?

[–] okamiueru@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Can I ask in which way it helps? Or perhaps, what in particular it helps with? For example, the "feeling guilty" part is very different from "motivation evaporates", but remedying either, or something else entirely, can be considered helping.

[–] TheSambassador@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

I have the complete opposite experience. Weed removes the guilt of not doing anything, but it usually leads to me doing nothing.

I enjoy weed occasionally because it turns off that hyper critical voice in my head, but it absolutely isn't a magic motivation medicine for most people.

After using pretty heavily last year and taking a break, I've realized that the overall effect is fairly negative, because it just makes me way too ok with doing nothing. Sometimes I need to do nothing and take a break, and it's great for helping me do that, but for me personally, it's a major negative when I'm doing it regularly.

Obviously your experience is different (as is everyone's a little) so feel free to try it, just keep in mind that it can get very easy to get addicted to that "mellow brain" feeling until you realize that all progress on all of your goals have stalled out because it's easy to just be high all afternoon and evening. There are lots of people who can be motivated and productive while high, but I think I've determined that I'm not one of them.

[–] TypicalHog@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago

It makes that motivation that evaporated return. And it returns even stronger (like way stronger) than when I initially had it sober.

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I love that you didn't realize the community you were in

[–] TypicalHog@lemm.ee 3 points 5 months ago

lol, I just realized, haha

[–] Xantar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 5 months ago

I find that on the contrary, alcohol helps me feel more relaxed and feel less guilty and eventually just do stuff without overthinking it.

[–] Xantar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 5 months ago

Speaking of work, do you guys ever start a new work project with full focus, then if for some reason you're ahead of schedule, you lose it all, until you're late and sometimes too late ?

It happens often and makes me feel incompetent in a position I know I'm capable.

[–] aStonedSanta@lemm.ee 11 points 5 months ago

So much so. It’s so debilitating sometimes too. I’ll focus and stew on not doing the thing I wanna do. And end up just idling and doing nothing.

[–] barsquid@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

Every single day. "Oh I should work on a side project and get independent income so I don't have to do this tedious shit." Nope. "Ok then I should do one of the several hobbies I already spent money on." Nope. "Video games?" Nope. So tired of my own behavior.

[–] adam_y@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Just so you know, this isn't just an ADHD thing.

Most folk experience it and it's one of the main causes of burnout.

That said, it's always worth checking that you are getting enough vitamin d and that your thyroid is working right.

[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You know, I've always heard people talk about burnout, but what exactly is it/feel like?

Same thing for brain fog.

I struggle immensely to stay awake when I get home and usually pass out for a couple hours. Which sucks cause then there's not a lot I can do with the day

[–] adam_y@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That. That sounds like it, coupled with frustration and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

It is cool to be exhausted after work if it fullfills you and you enjoy it, but most folk need the gaps between to be themselves.

[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Ahhh well, thank you for the clarification. It's good to understand it so I can recognize it myself. I'm notoriously bad at self analysis with those types of things.

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's not your fault, these things sneak up on us, and it's not part of most people's education. I don't think learned to be even halfway introspective until much later in life. And that only because I started keeping a diary and noticing things like "huh my entries are really dark when I've been drinking the previous today."

[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

Yeah, I didn't recognize what anxiety was until a medication gave me a panic attack. I've been able to recognize it since. Due to my upbringing I'm probably further behind than most in that respect so I've taken it upon myself to try and catch up.

[–] yokonzo@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yes totally, i can't even enjoy video games anymore because the entire time there's this little voice in the back of my head that says "you're wasting your life"

[–] Xantar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Couple that with the steam library syndrome. Too much choice is no choice.

[–] XEAL@lemm.ee 8 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Sometimes I get obsessed with something at work, an issue or something that I can't get to work and sometimes I continue what I was doing when I get home, depending on how tired and frustrated I am.

I work in IT.

[–] aStonedSanta@lemm.ee 6 points 5 months ago

I feel this in my soul.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

This doesnt exactly translate to your experience bc I am a student but last semester I took two upper level math courses and because of how much homework I was doing in those classes and how interesting I found the subject to be, I would end up seeing and thinking about that math until I fell asleep those nights. I dreamed about fucking math 😭. I would go to my girlfriends house an hour after finishing my homework and in the middle of hanging out I would have to stop and go finish a problem I was trying to solve before but couldn't because I just had a new idea

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 points 5 months ago

I still do this too, but I try really hard to resist the urge, because it rarely leads anywhere good

[–] Hootz@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 months ago

Every day bud, every day

I've come to terms with it, it doesn't upset me like it used to, but I think that's mostly because what I do for work makes me happy. If it's not that it's probably work brings such exhaustion that im to tired to care πŸ˜…

I spent 8 hours ripping out old beverage lines from a boat, tomorrow I get to install all new lines, setup 4 bars and rodent "proof" them

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Duh this happens to me all the time.

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Yup. And then when I'm off the clock, I feel guilty about all the work I procrastinated during the workday, feeling amped up to tackle my assigned work the next day. Then the cycle repeats. Brain can't enjoy the thing right in front of it.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 5 points 5 months ago

Turns out this is called β€œI’d do any chore but work”.

[–] Nemo@midwest.social 5 points 5 months ago

Yep. Whatever project seems more interesting than what I'm doing at work, but less interesting once I get home and have options.

[–] Plopp@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Do I ever? Lol I do nothing but. That's my entire life.

[–] feedmecontent@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yes, and I used to get right to it and do it guilt free, but the negative association with having those things punished as a child and teen made it harder to enjoy things permanently. I think paradigms for raising kids right now kind of do this to kids that get fixated on stuff. There's gotta be a way to nurture the deep enjoyment of things and still get the kid to eat and sleep and go to school (which is also broken and might make the whole thing harder to fix).

[–] Trofont@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

This hit way too hard. I find it so hard to just enjoy my hobbies because I feel like I'm breaking the rules.

[–] joulethief@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 5 months ago

So far every comment has perfectly described my situation. I'm with you 100% OP, I feel like this every single day

[–] pHr34kY@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

The train ride home just kills it. I eat. I clean. I sleep.

[–] ExtraordinaryJoe@reddthat.com 3 points 5 months ago

Daily

[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Regularly I am focused, fixated, excited for another activity - but whatever I am not currently doing. Once I start, I lose interest quickly and end up thinking about some other activity

[–] gerryflap@feddit.nl 3 points 5 months ago

I do, but I've gotten better at it. More often than not I just struggle to get started. So just forcing myself to get started results in actually doing what I wanted to do. Sometimes I'm just exhausted, and I accept that I'm just gonna "waste" the evening with video games or something. Rather have some enjoyment than nothing.

That being said, I'm still learning to be better. I'm still too judgemental and unrealistic to myself

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 months ago

Yes, all the time

[–] Jtskywalker@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago

Pretty much every day. I think it's because we have a limited capacity and for many of us our job requires us to mask to some degree and it just takes all of our energy, even if it isn't physically or even intellectually demanding. There's no reason I should feel completely drained and demotivated by just sending emails, but it is what it is.

I try to go somewhere quiet and lay on the floor or something. Or literally touch grass - get feet in the dirt, listen to the wind in the trees, that sort of thing. And stay away from screens for a bit. I'm still trying to find ways to help regulate my nervous system since I need different things on different days but those are some of the most effective for me.