this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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This is not direct at all though. Direct is "my shift is almost done, do you want to hang out later?". Being direct means you do actually have to include saying what you want.
Yeah, even when you're 99% sure the person is flirting with you, you gotta balance that with what might happen if you're wrong.
Read the situation wrong and you could end up handcuffed on the sidewalk with pepper spray in your eyes.
Fuck that. If not being willing to take that risk means dying alone, I'll choose the latter.
And what about from the woman's perspective? Do you really want strange men making guesses about whether you're flirting with them or not? Knowing exactly what could happen if the wrong guy gets the wrong idea and won't take "no" for an answer?
I'm not trying to victim-blame or make excuses for anyone. But there's nothing to win by playing these kinds of mind games, so what's the fucking point?
What on earth are you talking about?
There's nothing easier than just explicitly checking in whether you've read the signals correctly or not before making any creepy moves.
Tip #1 for flirting: Make sure that the other person has a very easy way out of anything they might not like. Then you know they're enthusiastically consenting for whatever comes next.
Well yes, absolutely. Consent is paramount and enthusiastic consent is the best kind. Bad choice of hyperbole on my part, I'll admit.
But even so, if you're not conventionally attractive or charismatic, even just checking can result in getting treated like a creep. The people who constantly say "they worst they can say is no" have likely never gotten "eww, no" as a response before.
But if you have, especially more than once, you kinda just get used to assuming that's the default answer. That's kind of what I was getting at.
I'd rather just not have to guess.
Yup, I mostly just assume everyone except my wife doesn’t really want anything to do with me and that I’m probably a giant creep to everyone else, so I don’t make eye contact and I try my best to ignore hints lest I get them wrong.
The hilarious part of all this is that I’m asexual and sex-repulsed, and I’m one of the least creepy and perverted people on the planet, but try telling my subconscious that.
I even check in with my wife sometimes and ask her if she still loves me. She does.
One of the most common things in threads about missed signals is people with social skills assuming that everybody is equally capable in social situations
Or that their own experiences socially, translate to others.
Looks DO matter, more so than most will admit. It's like being rich, they'll tell you they got rich by being smart or hard working, but will be willfully ignorant of the inheritance or luck they got.