Political Weirdos

Oh you don't understand what a conditional is. Ugh, it's so awkward when I have a better grasp on your native language, isn't it?

Now you're adding furthermore elaboration where none is needed, but removing the original connotation.

And I remind you, this is my third language.

https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/grammar/english-grammar-reference/will-would

would is the past tense form of will. Because it is a past tense, it is used:

to talk about the past

to talk about hypotheses (when we imagine something)

for politeness.

It's polite to use a "would" as it implies that "if you were asked", which is the more polite way of asking.

Maybe it's because you only speak American, and not proper English?

Have it your way — as we really need to calm you down somehow — do you identify as a conservative?