Autism

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Dating/Hangout Anxieties? (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by douglasg14b@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world

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Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.

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[–] radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I will reach out in a lot of cases. If they consider me clingy or needy for asking for them to provide me with a reasonable expectation, then bullet dodged. I only want to date people for whom my need for clear communication and expectations is seen as a boon (because I'll provide the same in return) and not a burden.

[–] douglasg14b@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

That's a great take.

It just feels like some people just by default are standoffish and hesitant till they actually meet you. Then they're buddy-bud.

The scene is fuckin hard:

1/10 have the (broad) personality types I'm attracted to
Of those 4/5 don't actually follow through to the point of actually meeting
Of those maybe 1/3rd share enough of an interests and world-view overlap to strike up good, flowing, conversation. Someone to build a solid friendship with.

So you're talking 1/125 actual people (Just to get to the starting line), 125 people that required effort to chat with, get to know their personality, showed interest in, and generally had some level of investment in to build a friendship.

And honestly, I'm not even picky, I'm not mentioning body type here, I didn't even mention gender. Primarily I want a strong intellectual attraction, something you can often even sus out over chat.

It's a crap shoot, stumbling upon the right kind of person seems easy in theory. But it's incredibly difficult in practice as I'm finding out. Statistically there is an insane, incredibly high, number of people out there that match up well for each of us. However actually finding them is a seemingly insurmountable task, with countless barriers in the way.

All that said. I agree with your take but also I think that some of the people who end up ghosting are not necessarily bad people they've just been similarly influenced by "the game", and are probably similarly burnt out.