This is the argument I see to defend use of the word and I've never understood it. Where I am (west coast-ish of the US), the word is used very specifically to mean autistic. If you ask someone not to say retard, they say autistic instead. If you ask them not to say autistic, they say special education. If not that, slow. If not that, someone who takes the short bus. Unambiguously the people here use the r slur as a slur against autistic people. They use it as an insult towards allistic people to degrade them as lesser. Same as calling a straight person the f slur. Maybe it's different in other parts of the country, but the r slur is absolutely used as a slur against autistic people where I am.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 16 points 4 months ago

I'm sorry this happens where you live, that's super messed up. Autism is particularly frustrating to see denigrated because it all too often comes down to social ineptitude (so far as the people who ostracize others go). Everyone's brains work differently - this idea that anyone who breaks the mold should be cut down is incredibly frustrating and sad.

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

the constant reality is that hateful losers just want to be verbally disdainful and othering to the disabled, and they will do whatever they can to keep doing it even if it means changing their language

the model of the “euphemism treadmill,” while accurate, is just another tool spiteful people use to justify saying spiteful derogatives

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Without a doubt, there are hateful, spiteful losers who not only use but take pleasure in using language with the specific intent of causing maximum harm.

In spite of this fact, there I think it’s worthwhile to call out exceptions exist - since a plan of attack has the best chance of success when the full context, the entire enemy, is known. The last person I heard use the word IRL is:

kind and generous
thoughtful, otherwise respectful, well mannered
(a leftist pacifist vegan)
friends with a wide, diverse cross section of humanity

But I know they grew up around the word and haven’t seen someone it’s hurt, so they used it like they’d use any other word - without intent to harm, just ignorantly.

I’d take tips on how best to counsel them if it comes up again. I think exploring their potential blindspot (no/few disabled friends?) would be part of my strategy. Thankfully they are not just some hateful piece of shit because it wouldn’t be worth my time talking at a wall if they were. They will at least be open to entertaining an argument about the potential impact of their words even in able-bodied/minded company. Thankful that’s the kind of person they are! And when we accurately assess people it gives us our best shot at righting our collective vocabulary.

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

yea the hateful and spiteful are the ones that push the bill on things.

for your friend, i have had this exact experience. i just went “hey friend, that word has some history that makes it hurtful to some people, just a heads up since the way you used it sounded like you maybe weren’t aware”

and it went over pretty well :) kind people rock

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 months ago

Good to hear :)

That reminds me I think it was a slip, cuz I mentioned it years ago and didn’t hear it for over a year - I’m fine to remind again if I need to! Thanks :)