me_irl

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me_irl (lemmy.world)

submitted 8 months ago by robocall@lemmy.world to c/me_irl@lemmy.world

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[–] seth@lemmy.world 24 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (4 children)

The adoption part really strikes a nerve with me, too. "My own," is always how I've heard it and it's so indicative of a purely self-centered reason for wanting children - it's not about the children at all, it's about the parent. But, that's never what you'll hear from a parent when they try to describe how selfless the ineffability of parental love is for their child: "I can't explain it, you just have to be a parent to understand." I don't buy it, as there are countless unloved/unwanted children doomed to grow up in toxic or abusive environments, as well as many step-parents and adopted parents who clearly love their children as much as any biological parent.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 10 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I think of it as more of a fear of death and passing on your own genetics as of way of soothing that fear.

Totally devalues the kid as their own person though (common thing for parents to do).

[–] gandalf_der_12te@feddit.de 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Unfortunately, that's exactly my observation too. Some people don't seem to value life itself, but only if it suits them.

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 1 points 8 months ago

This is exactly it. The parenting hormones sooth the existential dread a little bit

[–] Zink@programming.dev 9 points 8 months ago

If we could measure the essence of “this child was wanted and will be loved” I bet it would be significantly higher for adopted kids. On average, of course.

[–] UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 4 points 8 months ago

I think it's a clear sign that it's the selfish genes talking, puppeting your higher functions to make sure they survive. Not for any reason, but just because those are the genes most likely to continue reproducing.

It's a bit egotistic, but I like to imagine I've sublimated the drive to reproduce, by helping out my friends and their kids when I can. Hehe stupid genes, you think these are your kids because the bonds of friendship getting crossed wires with direct kinship. Stupid-ass genes, you don't even know your ride ends here.

Yeah it's really egotistic, but it's a fun little fiction.

[–] HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 2 points 8 months ago

“I can’t explain it, you just have to be a parent to understand.”

makes me wonder if they have tried a pet and wether or not that wasnt just exactly the same feeling