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I would like to think that my biggest accomplishments (at a major tech company for 10+ years) happened through making good technical/ideological arguments, listening to people's problems, and telling computers how to fix them, rather than my physical appearance. Whenever they asked me to be a manager, I was like "ugh, no that sounds awful."
Then after 15 months of COVID isolation, I burned out and left. Now I'm thinking it'd be nice if I'd learned how to approach women and do standard masculine things. The world doesn't just give you sex for excelling in school/work.
I guess my point is that a patriarchal society makes it difficult for men who don't actively pursue power over others to form relationships.
What's interesting is that this is a concept that's explored in trans-feminist theory. Trans women tend to hold male privilege pre-transition but never really cultivate it and transitioning opens their eyes and makes them acutely aware of their newfound lack of privilege. Male privilege doesn't just come from actively wielding power over others, it happens everywhere all the time. As the other commenter said, even if you tried to avoid it actively in your life, male privilege and the patriarchal society we live in likely contributed to you entering a career in a STEM field and potentially even opened doors for you that may not have been there for you if you were born female because of a 3rd party's views on women in STEM.
As a trans woman, I can assure it's true. I was always socially-awkward and alone, but even then I had advantages only because I was a "guy". When I transitionned, people were not interacting with me like before, it was really surprising, and honestly, sad.
It also had good effects, I discovered sorority, and I made really good women friends. A part of it is because I now have the same struggles as theirs, with trans-struggles in a addition
The patriarchy is what enabled and encouraged you to have an interest and education in computer science in the first place :) if you had been born in a woman's body in the same time period, you would have been discouraged from that path passively through cultural messaging and actively by your peers and mentors--all decisions made by men. To this day, men outnumber women in STEM fields by roughly a 5-to-2 ratio, and that number is only where it is as a result of deliberate outreach to women of all ages.
I'm not trying to detract from your work ethic or the quality of the output you produced or how hard you had to work to get to where you are-- I'm just saying that if you were a woman, it would have been that much harder, and that is how you benefited from the patriarchy without actively participating from it.
Yeah, I think some people are born with an innate desire to understand how things work. It's possible to recognize it in toddlers, based on observations within my extended family. Our society would be enriched if we were better at recognizing and nourishing that trait when it appears in women.
I don't think "anyone" can excel in STEM, but there are likely a lot of women (and to a lesser extent men) who potentially could, but fail to get the right exposure at a young enough age.
That's not it at all. Get out and meet people, pick up new hobbies that are social, go to events, be friendly, kind, and listen to others. None of making normal relationships has anything to do with power.
Totally random, but I came across this site yesterday, just the blog part.. You aren't alone in the struggle. This is the tag line:
"Helping Techie Introverts Who Struggle Socially"
(site)[https://socialconfidencemastery.com/blog/]
And then back on topic... If you just mean talking to women then I think those are just called social skills? Charm? Idk, I don't see it as masculinity. Being assertive can be part of being charming or skilled in social situations, high 'eq' or whatever.
My dad's generation (the boomers) are retiring now and from what I can tell it seems like without work they are a wreck. That's what shutting down emotions and traditional masculinity gets you, IMO.
Ew.
Very surprised you're not getting any.
I'm just documenting how the world is, not how it should be. In general women can form relationships passively (be excellent and accept/reject offers), while men have to engage in active pursuit, or else nothing happens.
I used to think this way, but now I'm not sure if it holds up. Although there's definitely a basis for this when looking at American, cisgender, heterosexual relationships, those are not the only kinds of relationships that exist. If women were only passive when it comes to forming relationships, then every lesbian would be single, and there is also no room in that theory for nonbinary people