The Onion

“That son-of-a-bitch burst through the door into my office like a bat out of hell. He immediately set his teeth to my left calf and would not let go for what felt like an eternity,” said the outraged McHenry. “As I howled in pain, that damn dog leapt onto my desk and seized the House gavel. ‘No you don’t! Drop it! Drop it!’ I yelled as I turned quickly to grab the other end. We then began to engage in a rancorous tug-of-war; one that continued for nearly 10 minutes. Ultimately, he bested me and took off, gavel in mouth"

Here, here.