Self-Hosted Main

I'm looking for a to-do list or planner to help me stay organised at home (my partner and I both have ADHD, so if it's not written down it's not getting done). I recently started using Microsoft Planner at work and really like the interface, so that's the benchmark. I'd probably just go ahead and use that, but there's seemingly no way to get a personal license.

I've got a big old list of wants, which I reckon I may as well add a unicorn to because I know it's not all happening, but who knows.

Self hosted is obviously on there, although not a firm requirement if there's something good out there. Setup can be fiddly, but it's got to be easy to use as my partner isn't as technical. I want multiple lists/boards, and multiple users with shared and private lists.

Auto repeating tasks would be great, ideally with notifications and the option to complete them early. e.g. we might feed the pets at 5 if we're going out for the evening, but wouldn't want a notification until 6. The real unicorn would be home assistant integration to automatically mark tasks done or notify through smart lights.

I'd like tasks to have the option for sub tasks, categories, custom fields, and due dates. A decent history would be handy too.

So, any thoughts or suggestions on my rambling list of wants?