this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2025
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And then something unexpected happens and you're five minutes late
It's human nature to act like you're in a really bad horror movie when you're crunched for time.
Wake up and spill your glass of water
Put your underwear on backwards and don't notice until you're fully dressed
Drop the toothpaste cap down the drain
Need to poop but constipated
Make a mess putting together your smoothie then drop it on the floor when you're done
Put your shoes on and realize you don't know where your car keys are
Find them in the freezer beside your dead parakeet you plan on burying later
Drop the keys locking your front door
Drop the keys unlocking your car
Drop the keys between your seat and centre console, but it's ok because you have a push to start
Hit every red light
Stuck behind legally blind geriatrics the whole drive
Get out of the car and spill your coffee
Close the door and remember your keys are still in the devil's crack aka between the seat and centre console
Scrape up your hand reaching into the crack and accidentally wipe blood on your white dress shirt
15 minutes late for work but it's ok. You remember you were fired last week for being chronically late.
Are these supposed to be individual events or a sequence?
Either way, I hate it.
Once I did this after leaving my car windows cracked overnight. When I reached down to retrieve them, I crushed a roach under my fingers. I hated it. And didn't feel clean the rest of the day.
Once I did almost this. I filled my car with gas on the way to work, tripped on the gas hose, shredded my pants, skinned my knee and got blood all over my white dress shirt. I hated it. Fortunately my then-boss was understanding.
This happens to me a lot. I hate it.
I don't drink coffee. It's too bitter. I hate it.
It's the exact sequence that lead to the birth of the joker