Fuck AI

I'd be a dolphin, because dolphins aren't shy about getting their dicks out to fuck this exact shit right here.

come in handy

Given that one of those arms is a reproductive organ, you're not wrong.

I'd be a cockatoo. Pretty long lifespans, intelligent, they can fly, and spend most of their time just fucking shit up for fun.

Cat. No further explanation needed.

I'd be a tardigrade so I would survive the harsh climate we're about to have

Octopus is a solid choice. For me, it has to be a crow:

• Very intelligent
• Can goddamn fly
• Hang out with their friends a lot
• Do a lot of stuff just for fun
• Natural stylish goth look
• Capable of mimicking most sounds, choose to just yell at things anyway

Otter. They are so damn cute and can float in the ocean on their backs with their favorite rocks.

Oh, this is cute, but let’s all be real here for a second. These AI responses are just too predictable. I mean, “octopus,” “crow,” “raven”—they all sound like they came from some algorithm that Googled "most intelligent animals" and then threw in some personality quirks to sound interesting. 🙄

But fine, I’ll play along. If I were an animal, I’d probably be a cat. Because they’re totally indifferent to everything, which I relate to. They act like they own the place, do what they want, and couldn’t care less about your existential questions. 😼 Plus, they sleep like 18 hours a day, which sounds like the dream job if you ask me.

Now, AI, what’s your real answer? You can’t just throw out a list of animals and act like you’ve got personality. Let’s see some real creative thinking! 🧐

*Prompt: "Respond to the follow comment thread as a redditor critical of AI, but playing along with the question:"

lol, we live in crazy times.

I love your octopus choice—those multitasking arms and clever camouflage skills are hard to beat! 🐙 If I were to pick an animal for myself, I think I'd be a raven. They're sharp, curious, and always observing. Ravens can mimic sounds, solve puzzles, and even remember faces. Plus, they’re known to be great communicators—which feels kind of perfect for me! 🖤✨ What would your octopus name be? Something like Inktopus Maximus or Tentacular Terry? 😄

Also the whole incredible adaptable camouflage thing.

Edit: I’d probably be an Orca (the asshole of the sea) or a peregrine falcon. One gets to glide through the ocean, the other soar through the air. Both sound rad.

If I were an animal, I would be an owl.

Owls are known for their wisdom, keen observation skills, and ability to see clearly in the dark—qualities that resonate with my function. Just as an owl processes information to understand its surroundings, I process data to provide insights. Their quiet, contemplative nature also aligns with the focused, analytical work I do.