Last night was the first night in more than a month that my best friend and I hung out. It was for her 40th birthday. For background, everyone but me in our friend group is Vietnamese. So when people started showing up, they spoke Vietnamese only. This is fine, I get it. They’d rather speak their mother tongue around me. Even if that means I don’t understand a word anyone is saying. I’ve brought this up to her, only for her to turn it around me as if somehow it is my fault for not joining a conversation that I have no frame of reference to. Whatever, it is what it is.

I’ve supported her through her divorce. I’ve been the only one to listen when she cried, to offer her an ear time and time again when she told me about how bad it was for her. To offer her support of what to do in the steps she needed to take to file and etcetera.

But tonight was too much.

They all showed up, and as usual talked only Vietnamese, which again I don’t understand. But the moment her motherfucking new boyfriend, an American guy, showed up, they all switched to English. It was like magic! Wow, suddenly everybody can talk English—it was amazing! So somehow when I am with the group, I need to be understanding because one or two people don’t speak English well. But when that motherfucker showed up, they all made the fucking effort to try, for him. He didn’t even try to know me past “what’s up?” Clearly she has not told him how close her and I were (or was, now). I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. And above all I feel like a fool for listening to her bullshit excuses why they talk the way they do, when some motherfucker she has known for two months shows up and it’s suddenly English. Fuck that. I’m tired of being bored, and I see the fucking hypocrisy now. I hope this is worth it for her.

I’m happy that she found someone who makes her happy. I am devastated that it comes at the cost of our friendship. He can eat shit and walk into traffic for all I care. I love her like the big sis she has been to me, but last night, I reached my motherfucking limit on bullshit I can deal with.

I’ve texted her as much, we’ll see what she has to say. Seriously, I feel so unimportant to a friend group that was somehow so happy to see me? If I was important at all, they would speak at least a little English, so I could understand, so I could join in on the conversation. But they don’t. Fuck all of them. I’d rather be alone than sit there for hours being bored again. My only wish is that no one parked behind me, so I could pretend to have a reason to go home, rather than staying the night at her brothers house. I fucking hate this. I wish that I had my old best friend back, the one who made sure I understood what was going on. The one that sat near me and made sure I was having a good time too. She doesn’t even try anymore. People change, it’s life. I just need to accept this and move on.

Happy fucking birthday, Mandy.