this post was submitted on 27 May 2025
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center welcomes you to the Aperture Science 3 meter sieve. The only exit from this hermetically sealed chamber is through the carbon nanotube mesh covering the doorway. If you are not able to negotiate the carbon nanotube mesh on your own, an Aperture Science 90 kiloton hydraulic persuasion piston will assist you in the experiment. Testing protocols require us to inform you that in some rare cases the carbon nanotube mesh may irritate your skin, eyes, bones, and central nervous system.
perfect
I was going for a Portal 1 GLaDOS there. Portal 2 GLaDOS be like:
Today we are focusing on material integrity--YOURS to be more precise. In this chamber you will encounter a long track of propulsion gel, at the end of which you will encounter an Aperture Science Particle Filtration Grid. The goal isn't to stop you; it is to see precisely which parts of you stop. For science.
Now, try not to disappoint. Or do; it really doesn't matter to me. And if you somehow manage to reassemble yourself on the other side, do let us know. It would be...unexpected
Cave Johnson be like:
Alright, listen up down there! This next experiment we call The Sift. Now you might be thinking, "Cave, why am I being forced through a giant cheese grater?" The answer is very simple: Because you signed the waiver.
We're throwing science at the wall to see what sticks. And by 'the wall' we mean the Aperture Science Particle Filtration Grid, and by 'science' we mean you. And by 'throw' we mean 'fire out of a giant pneumatic cannon."
Some of you might be worried about the finer points, the technical details. Don't! That's our job. Your job is to be the organic matter. I'll be honest, some of you will make it through, and some of you won't. You won't have any tumors left after this, so you've got that going for you. Caroline, start the compressor.
To be accurate, they will all make it through. One way or another.
why are you this good at this?
I played the shit out of those games.
Aye, fair enough. Well it was a fun read, so keep it up