I’m a useless, pathetic dog. I’m a worthless creep who will never have value or amount to anything, just like she said.
Even the most accepting people hate me and throw me away in the end. They like my autistic friend more than me. They think I’m disgusting and never will forgive me for missing social cues.
If even the kindest people make me sad and give me mental problems, and even the kindest people hate me, then I must be a terrible person.
And the mental problems I currently have make me a terrible daughter. A terrible girlfriend who can’t be there for her boyfriend. A terrible person.
This will be the saddest way our relationship has to end. This time, it won’t be because they don’t get along, but because I’ll be dead just like she wants.
I hope he finds a better gf. Maybe I won’t be dead anyway. I’ll be taking a shower soon so it could give me time to think and clear my mind.
I try to work on myself and be a better person, one that everyone wants, but I can never be what they want or they threaten me. I will never be forgiven and I’ll always be scum who should die to them.
Honestly, I may not do it, because I CAN’T FIND A WAY WITHOUT COWERING, but you can
violent
honestly put one in the back of my head
or something lol. or find another way to do it, like euthanasia. for now, i’ll try to live, but still.
For now I’m done. I doubt it but I could become a symbol of discrimination or something: a girl whose life was so filled with discrimination she died. But I could live and tell the tale as a survivor
I love you, my boyfriend 💕
And my family ❤️
But I fucking hate you, even if you were right, Bella. I know you won’t feel guilty for being so cruel a life may be taken or threatened, but it’s okay.
I'm not equipped to help in this directly, but as a fellow person that wants you to be happy and healthy and here with us, I advise getting some professional help. There is no shame it this. I think we all need help at times in our lives.
The only real other advice I can give is that things get bad and then they get better. Then they get bad again just to get better all over again. Its just kind of the way life is. The more you work on yourself the easier things get when the bad times come. You will know how to get through them because you have lived through it before and ultimately came out better for it.
Like I said in the beginning you don't have to go it alone. There is no shame in asking for help! Make sure they are qualified to give the help you deserve.
You can get through this. Big hug young one.