this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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[–] SavageCreation@lemmy.world 6 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

You can simply say "yo I'm sad about my cat's death". Accept your feelings and dont be shy to share them, just dont impose them. It also opens buds to help you if they're up for it.

Shutting them up only reinforces this idea that men dont cry and arent allowed to feel things, and the day you need actual help people will mock and leave you for being a downer and a weakling.

Friendships are built on the ups and the downs.

Also in this case, you need to let yourself grieve, or itll pop up in the future when you dont expect it to.

[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

It also opens buds to help you if they’re up for it.

My experience has been that being emotionally open tends to make people withdraw. Should it be that way? Of course not. Should I get better friends? Yeah, that would be cool, and I wish that was as easy to do as it is to say. I've found that many relationships and friendships end up being somewhat transactional; people are there for the good times, but aren't interested in the emotional labor when shit gets real. I try to be there for people when they're going through shit, but that doesn't seem to be reciprocated.

If I sound bitter, well, I am. And cynical.

A lot of people I had thought were friends ghosted me when I failed to complete suicide and had a 72 hour hold. My ex-spouse held me in utter contempt because I was struggling emotionally. A lot of people I had known for a decade or more ghosted me when my ex-spouse and I were getting divorced; in fact, I only got to keep one friend in that divorce.

I suspect that this is part of the experience of being on the autism spectrum.

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 points 5 hours ago

Man that is a raw deal. I worry about my friend circle if my partner ever left me. I suck at making friends, so most of the people I know now are through her.

My experience has been that being emotionally open tends to make people withdraw.

Yeah, that sounds sadly typical for guys. I wonder where the cool emotionally available people all are?