ADHD

Okay, so to me as an armchair psychologist it sounds to me that you either have serious social anxiety issues and/or autism. You should really research that. If social interactions feel like a mine field you rather want to avoid at all costs and don't know how to navigate, it sounds like a serious issue and more than just "introversion".

You can check this quiz (and check the website):

https://embrace-autism.com/aspie-quiz/

For autism there is no "fix", if you have it - it's just something you learn to live with. You still could have ADHD and it's also not "fixable", but the medication does help a lot. If you have both, it's sometimes called AuDHD (many people on Mastodon write that about themselves).

I have no experience with Adderall (thought Adderall is some American thing). I could choose between Medikinet and Elvanse (the latter is called Vyvanse in the US, and the former is similar to Ritalin or Concerta).

They all are supposed to do roughly the same thing - they are stimulants which increase the amount of usable dopamine (which is absorbed too quickly by brains of people with ADHD so they have a deficit basically all of the time, causing most of the problems, according to the current theory).

There are two main categories - amphetamine-based medications and Methylphenidate-based medications. But that is only chemically different and does not matter to you.

What matters is that some people can handle one of these really well but others not at all. It's very individual. In rare cases , none of these work well or all cause more problems than they fix. But this is pretty rare. That is something a psychiatrist can help figuring out - the right medication and right dosage.

Another difference is how long they act (whole day vs a few hours) and whether it depends on having proper meals or it does not matter what you take it with. But all that are details.

Compared to typical psychiatric meds I'd say ADHD stimulant meds are pretty low risk. They don't fuck up your brain chemistry, you do not have to take them for weeks before you see any effect and don't have to be careful with stopping taking them etc as I've heard about people who tried various antidepressants or other serious meds. It's not like that at all.

Overall if you get the right amount of the right stimulant meds that work for you, in the beginning you might feel energized, maybe a bit euphoric. But that is only in the first weeks or months. Don't focus on that. This is not the goal. The goal is much more subtle.

When I take my meds, it's like I take my glasses to see clearly and not blurry all the time. I feel emotionally balanced. The big burden lifts. Suddenly, things are not so difficult anymore. Suddenly, you don't struggle with starting to so something that needs to be done, even if you don't really like doing it. You can just do it without hating every second. And it becomes calm in the mind. Sometimes I notice the meds start working (like 15-30 min after taking the pill) because I notice that my mind is empty and not circling with thoughts. I am just there and I feel positive-neutral. That is usually some brief moment when hitting the sweet spot. But what lasts for hours is overall a higher motivation and lower inner resistance to just start, do and complete things.

It's like someone finally gave you the brakes and steering wheel for the racing car that is your brain so you can finally properly drive it where you want it to go.

This is what you should be looking for.

To get diagnosed and get access to meds, you don't have to talk about your personal issues. The diagnosis is based on some formal quiz asking for severity of your struggles in various situations. Very similar to something like this

https://www.adhdme.care/indicator-baars

Regardless of any talking therapy or CBT, you should try to get diagnosed and if you do get "certified" ADHD, give stimulant meds a try. For me, getting the meds was all I needed to fix up myself, it changed everything.

I was very cautious in the beginning and I researched a LOT about all the meds and their ups and downs and safety. I would say if you use them as intended and have no condition making it problematic for you (and that is what also a neurologist needs to assess before giving them to you), the worst I have ever felt was like when drinking way too much coffee and getting jittery and somehow anxious. That only happened before we found the correct dosage for me and when I was still not used to it.

I would say it's pretty safe to try them out, but take it slow with increasing dosage, only increase after you tried a dosage for multiple days or a week, and be consistent. The brain needs to adjust.

I've started very slowly with 10mg a day in the morning and now I'm at 2x 15 = 30mg Medikinet / day, for adults it's considered pretty low. With Elvanse I think 30mg is even the lowest. Be careful, mg of one thing are not the same as another. Here is a table with a few meds and amounts considered equivalent.

https://www.adhspedia.de/wiki/Umrechnungstabelle_Medikamente

As a responsible person the only thing I can say is that you should not do it. Maybe on reddit the mods would remove my comment for helping you do such experiments "recklessly". But I just give you information, I think you're an adult and can take responsibility for your decisions. Either you could have found such information yourself, or you would not - which would be worse - because then you would just guess and possibly actually harm yourself.

All I'm saying is, the meds are safe if you use them correctly. Just like a saw or a knife, it's a tool. Just make sure to know what you are doing, inform yourself properly, take it slow and be careful. And obviously, if you feel worse or bad, and it's not a one time thing, maybe it's wrong dosage or wrong med for you.

Ah I forgot one thing. The "comedown". Some people have it, some don't. Some meds seem to have it, some don't. I have it with my meds, but it's okay. For some people it's pretty unpleasant.

It's when the meds are almost used up, for me usually after work in the evening. There's like a 30 min period when I'm pretty irritable, more impulsive, annoyed, etc. I had it stronger in the beginning, but now it's acceptable. For some people it's so bad it's a deal breaker. Just a thing to know. An acceptable comedown for a day of motivation and productivity is a very good deal for me at least.