United Kingdom

Look, ima be real here.

As long as people aren't lined up watching other people excrete wastes, I'm fine with whoever wants to use whatever bathroom.

Like, I'm a dude, and y'all trans men are welcome to stare at the wall right beside me. We will piss in solidarity. Y'all trans women, take the stall if you want/need, or post up and piss right along with the rest of the folks evacuating their bladders. You cis women, c'mon in, the water's fine. Just understand that there's some unwritten rules involved. And, if you haven't a penis, bring one of those funnel things for urinal usage as pissing on one's feet is considered unmanly.

When you're at the urinal, you only ever look at your neighbor if you believe they may need an ambulance. Otherwise, you pick a spot with some interesting graffiti and stare at it, but only if it is not beyond two inches to the side of the urinal you are using. If at a trough, use your shoulders as the border.

If there is no other choice, and you have to speak with someone next to you, do not look at them. Look up at the ceiling. This way, everyone knows you aren't looking at their junk, and nobody has to worry about being measured.

However, be aware that if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it, no matter what it is. So, take it to a stall, you heathen.

If in the stall, remember the courtesy flush. It is also strongly encouraged to give a "sorry bros" if nearby stalls are occupied. Rounds of applause for extraordinarily thunderous flatulence are allowed; but please, no standing ovations.

Should you find a hole in the stall wall, be aware that it is your obligation to gently stroke anything that comes through said hole. I don't make the rules, I just follow them like everyone else does.

Also, it is imperative that when the circle jerk starts, that your hands are well lotioned, and you sing along with everyone else. It will usually be either "row, row your boat" or "Michael row your boat ashore", so make sure you have the lyrics memorized, and do try to stay on key. In the event the standard songs are not in play, it is acceptable to hum along; just don't expect much in the way of aftercare.

I would strongly encourage everyone to memorize and share these rules, since very soon all ladies' rooms will be forbidden to all. Can't have anyone that might have a penis, even if that penis is in their womb. You know how penises get in the ladies' room, jumping around, spitting on everything, leaving a mess all over the counters, throwing the sanitary supplies into any waiting receptacle (including the astonished mouths of bystanders). All of which is just flat not acceptable when said penis is in the womb still, show some respect.