this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023
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I relate to this so well. Touched bases with someone from high school just yesterday. Havent spoken to him in 15 years. We were talking about a good friend of both of ours who hung himself. I kept dropping comments about him "hanging around" and how he "hung out" here or there, he "knew the ropes".. but the guy never acknowledged that I was trying to make light of a heavy situation.. Or maybe he knew and wasn't on the same page. 😂
Probably because you crossed the line from “dark” to “cruel”.
Without speaking to him in years, and especially about that mutual friend, you have no idea how he’s viewed that loss, or has other, more recent losses that are similar.
And you kept pushing it when he didn’t laugh, either deliberately or inadvertently using the social convention of not causing a scene/confronting someone over a joke to your advantage.
mfs be like "i like dark humor aha remember our good pal we used to hangout with and love that unexpectedly hung himself aha i bet hes still hanging around... why arent you laughing... hanging in there? guys?"
He was more than a good pal to me.. wasn't to the guy I was talking to. I was honoring my deceased friend who had the absolute best sense of humor, Often dark.
I wonder if maybe his dark sense of humor wasn't that great... given what he did to himself. You gotta talk about stuff, not just leak it out in jokes.
Thanks for the insight. Truth is I still struggle with his passing. He had a great sense of humor and we knew we could make the most dark/twisted jokes and comments to one another. I kept thinking about him when I was dropping the subtle hanging comments to this other dude. I saw it as honoring what i loved best about the deceased but maybe I'm just having a hard time coping. Thanks again.
I can understand wanting to honor your friend, but by making his death the butt of the joke that’s a lot more collateral damage than you intended.
It might work out better if you make dark jokes that aren’t pointed AT your friend but are directed outward, with a “he’d like that” tacked on. That way, it highlights something you liked about him without hitting other people.
I get it. Again, thanks for taking the time to helping me to see a different perspective. I swear my social awkwardness (and lack of general awareness) will be the death of me.
Or maybe he knew, but didn't want to acknowledge it because he thought it was his sick mind coming to those conclusions.
Holy shit some people will do anything to avoid confronting difficult emotions... just say it dude
You'd have to know the guy who passed. He was the funniest dude. I thought about him smiling looking down on me even if I was making the other dude uncomfortable. 🙂
If you make a joke that risky, and they don't laugh/acknowledge it, you really shouldn't keep telling it. They either didn't get it (and probably won't with future tellings) or they didn't like it.