Try talking directly with a surgeon. Doctors can be hesitant about fairly invasive surgeries like that, but surgeons almost always want to cut.

It's a vastly different situation but I had to do something similar for a carpal tunnel release. Doctors danced around the issue for years giving me braces, stretches, and work notes. But one call with an orthopedic surgeon and I was in for a consult within the week and surgery a couple months later.

Your doctor is saying that … are they also refusing to help you get it done?

That's really fucked up, I'm sorry. Especially because it's an informed decision.

Idk about nowadays but I think childfree (or related sub) on the other site had a list of known good doctors who'd do vasectomies and tubal ligations without the whole bs about but you might want kids (or more kids) later/let's ask your husband bullshittery.

I don't know if it's changed here, but even as a guy trying to get sterilized without being married nor having kids was work. I found someone to do it and paid out-of-pocket to get it done. I've heard similar stories from women living here.

Til this is a thing

Because you live in the US?