Monster Raving Loony Party

A man standing for election against Jacob Rees-Mogg in a mask covered in beans and eggs wants to introduce a “statutory brunch hour.”

Phin “Barmy Brunch” Adams is the Official Monster Raving Loony Party candidate for North East Somerset and Hanham. He told the Local Democracy Reporting Service that at the time he decided to become a parliamentary candidate, the constituency had looked more like a safe seat.

He said: “I wanted to run against someone who looked to be safe in their seat to create a Portillo moment if possible or at the very least — let’s be realistic here — provide a none of the above alternative for those voters who are either disaffected by politics or whatever.”

He added: “If people don’t ordinarily vote, then vote extraordinary.”

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If elected as Barmy Brunch, he wants all workplaces to have to stop and serve brunch between 11am and midday. He said he wants to “MAKE BRUNCH GREAT AGAIN” — but that there is a serious point behind it too.

He said: “Yes, it's ambitious, it's bold, it's an hour long. If we can just pause and just breathe, its one of the things that I think is key to upholding the good mental health that we all really desire.”

He warned that the mental health system was “underfunded” and “broken.” He said: “However the policy manifesto is read, it can be taken as a joke, that’s fine if it brings a smile to someone’s face that’s fine — but equally, if someone comes and accuses me of not taking politics seriously, I am incredibly serious about positive mental health.”

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Barmy Brunch said he had looked at Ed Davey and considered the Liberal Democrats, but was worried by the party going against its 2010 manifesto policy of voting against tuition fee rises, which happened when he was a student. He said: “At the very least, the Monster Raving Loony Party has never broken a promise. That’s because they’ve never been elected.

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He added that some friends had told him his Barmy Bruch mask looked “scary” or criminal. But he said: “I would like to see a criminal get involved in any criminal activity wearing a face mask that has beans and egg and has holes cut out for the eyes. I think it's more in the realm of Mr Blobby than one of the drug lords in Colombia.”

Amid the seriousness of general election campaigning, one political party has always stood out as the playful alternative — and in a world of chaos, the Monster Raving Loony Party is vying for fifth time lucky in Lincolnshire, or are they?

Coun Peter Hill, the vice chairperson of Great and Little Carlton Parish Council, is again in the Louth and Horncastle constituency standing in the General Election under his Iconic Arty-Pole alias as a member of the Monster Raving Loony Party — facing off against Health Secretary Victoria Atkins on July 4.

It is a party that has been the self-confessed chaos of the political asylum since its formation in 1982, and with policies such as fitting cushions on the front of all trains to make them safer, or changing everyone’s name to Chris to avoid identity theft — they can be forgiven for perhaps not being taken seriously at times.

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That isn’t to say he doesn’t have a few eye-catching, headline-grabbing daft policies of his own. He has long campaigned for socks to be sold in threes, asking “have you ever lost an odd sock in the wash?”

“You have a left sock, which we call the Labour Party, a right sock, which is the Conservatives, and a sock that fits both feet, which we call the Liberal Democrats.”

Another of his policies is making unicorns a protected species, arguing this would ensure more visibility for the mythical creature — stating “only children can see them these days.”

Arty-Pole is also a firm believer in “cash is king, but barter is better” and says that while his party would roll out a 99p coin to prevent the 1p change we are all so used to nowadays, he fears it would have an impact on charity.

“All those charity boxes on shop counters won’t get that spare penny if we do that,” he said.

But how does Iconic Arty-Pole actually think he will do at this election? In 2019 he received 1,044 votes, which is the most any Monster Raving Loony Party candidate has received in the 21st Century — but he isn’t hoping for much better, surprisingly.

“If I get 5% of the votes and get my £500 deposit back, I will be asked to leave the party on the grounds of taking it too seriously! Nobody in the entire life of our party has managed to do that.

Last time he left the building with the least amount of votes.

But undeterred, Earl Elvis of East Anglia is back for a second time standing against Liz Truss for her South West Norfolk seat.

The Monster Raving Loony Party candidate, whose real name is Ashley Inwood, hopes he can woo voters with their characteristically whacky policies, campaigning with the slogan: "Forget the trash, vote for Ash".

These range from enforcing the sale of socks in packs of three so you always have a spare, introducing a 99p coin to make pennies obsolete and for all political material to be printed on soft toilet paper so it can be "recycled in the appropriate manner."

Crewe and Nantwich Monster Raving Loony Party candidate for the 2024 General Election, Lord Psychobilly Tractor, says "After 14 years of Tory rule, it's time for some loony change."

Lord Psychobilly Tractor, who lives just a short tractor drive from the constituency in Cheshire East, says Crewe is his favourite town to visit.

He told Nub News: "Our Loony policies promise to bring a breath of fresh, zany air to local politics.

1. 24-hour licensing laws
2. Lowering the voting age to 18
3. Abolition of dog licences
4. The legalisation of commercial radio
5. The pedestrianisation of Carnaby Street
6. Passports for pets
7. Abolition of the 11 plus exam