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At least now you know what has been eating you for so long. Like Morpheus said to Neo in the movie The Matrix:

Neo: I can’t go back, can I? Morpheus: No. But if you could, would you really want to?

You can't unlearn it, it would only hurt you more trying to pretend like nothing has changed. I hope the people in your life will support you through this.

I don’t know what to do.

1. Be gay
2. Do crime

Chin up. My cousin went through the exact same thing and she's been taking it well. She talked with her doctor started taking E and grew out her hair. A year later she had laser hair removal to remove hair from around her mouth and neck she was real happy about that.

Not to say there werent downsides, her family was very accepting but her wife did want a divorce but they still remain close friends.

I think one of the things that really helped her was to find a supportive community that can help you through this and let your girlfriend know if you havent already, fear of rejection is normal but telling her is necessary for relationship and friendship.

Hope this helps. Im a cis-male but want to be supportive. Go get em

I'm cis, so I'm not gonna try to give you advice about your feelings because that's not my place. I can maybe help with the makeup though - check out Lisa Eldridge on youtube. She has some great tutorials for simple looks that are a good place to start. Alexandra Anele is another one who does tutorials focused on the way certain techniques change the way your features look and she's a great resource for learning to blend. Drag queens are obviously the masters of things like color correcting a 5 o'clock shadow and feminizing features, but their other makeup is generally super advanced shit I wouldn't even try to imitate.

Congrats on cracking through your shell, former egg!

I know it's scary, but you're gonna be okay. There's an internet-full of trans sisters, brothers, and others who are eager to help each other up. You'll be on this side of the conversation sooner than you think.

The most important thing to know off the bat is the Egg Prime Directive, https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans

My good friend Lily coined the phrase “Egg Prime Directive” to describe the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans.

When someone is just told they are trans, that opens ground for denial; it activates defense mechanisms built by internalized transphobia, and it has a high probability of pushing them further into the closet, if not making them outright transphobic. Even when it doesn’t, it leaves ground for their own subconscious to reject their dysphoria, claiming that they were just manipulated or deceived. The much more effective strategy is to talk about your own experiences with dysphoria so that they see the common grounds and come to their own conclusion about their gender. The code doesn’t forbid helping them to explore their gender; it forbids assigning a gender to them. Or, to put it more succinctly, you cannot be told what the Matrix is; you can only be shown.

After that, the most important thing is to be true to yourself. There's no one right way to be trans, it's up to you to decide how open you want to be with your identity, whether you want medical assistance to transition, etcetera.

It's definitely not too late for you, I started my transition in my late 30's and I've seen trans folks who only got started in their 60's. Learning to be a girl is something you can do at any age and there's lots of resources for it, but equally important will be the unlearning of internalized transphobia and habits that don't serve you anymore.

So, just relax, take a breath. Spend a few minutes meditating on how weird it feels when the relief of finally acknowledging the dysphoria is combined with the fear of how trans people are treated by normative society. Let the initial wave of panic, excitement, and existential dread wash over you. Then, start thinking deeply about what you want from life as a trans person and how you'll achieve it for yourself. Everything else will flow from that~.

just be fluid, no neeed for a 1 to 1 replication of a gender needet, reduces a lot of stress and dosent make u replicate steriotypes

Something I found helped with me is thinking about genders not as something I fit into but something that loosely describes me.

The words themselves are more just to give others a sense of where you stand and they also help bring like minded people together.

But they're descriptions, they don't define you. If you find it comfortable, and find fulfillment in doing things like a "girl" then sure go ahead. But I always think it better not to force that kinda stuff.

Just live how you want to live, live in a way that makes you happy to be you. We're only here for so long so try to enjoy what we have.

Good luck with your journey. I just came here to say that being a woman doesn't require makeup, because you write as if that's a requirement

I know someone who was 50 when she figured out she was trans, and she's so much happier now. Yes, the state is awful, but there are a lot of allies even where I live in horrible South Dakota.

Congratulations on learning this about yourself! I wish you the very best.