this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023
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[–] Brkdncr@sh.itjust.works 98 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Vampires existed long before the church. They just have a brain disorder that gives them a seizure when they see straight right angles. Right angles don’t really exist in nature. Humans found out this and started making crosses. Humans created the church to maintain this knowledge during the vampires long hibernation periods of around 1000 years. (Credit to author Peter Watts “Blindside”)

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago

I loved Blindsight (the name of the book is not Blindside) but that was one of the most ridiculous paragraphs I've ever read.

The natural world is filled with right angles. Many rocks erode into perfect right angles because of their cleave points. Saplings grow at right angles to the ground. Branches of older trees are sometimes at perfect right angles to the trunk.

Anyone who has gone on a hike sees right angles everywhere. Vampires couldn't walk a kilometer without a seizure from naturally occuring right angles.

[–] gato@feddit.de 44 points 1 year ago

Brutalist architecture should be super effective against vampires.

Also IKEA furniture.

[–] dangblingus@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Bismuth would like a word.

[–] hswolf@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

came here to say that, also salt crystals

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

Nah, vampires only hibernated a generation or two. Just long enough for prey populations to grow back to sustainable levels, and just long enough forget them and begin to scoff at grandma's crazy campfire tales.

Peter Watts - Blindsight

And yes, it's hard science fiction. With a vampire ship captain. Seriously.

Many versions free on the author's site. Give the prologue a spin.

https://rifters.com/real/Blindsight.htm#Prologue

Is this some JoJo lore or some shit?

[–] AnonStoleMyPants@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 year ago

Great book. Sequel is good too.

[–] charonn0@startrek.website 32 points 1 year ago (4 children)

There was a vampire movie, I forget what it's called, but part of the lore was that vampires were only affected by religious symbols from their original society. So showing a cross to a Muslim vampire wouldn't work.

[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Atheist vampires: It's free real state

[–] Bondrewd@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Atheist vampires would have to be put under a microscope to die.

[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

*species evolve*

atheist vampires: im in danger

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Benny in the 1999 Mummy movie carried a hodgepodge of religious symbols with him, for apparently similar reasons. It sort of worked.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[–] ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hey, just so you know -- you should edit your comment and strip the ?si= and everything after it from your link, it's a Youtube tracker that has now attached your Youtube ID to your Fediverse ID.

https://youtu.be/L6HkiZOWkaM or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM work fine without it.

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Or just https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM (or your other invidious instance of choice)

[–] ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Great catch, thank you.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Much appreciated. I've been using YouTube since 09 and never had to deal with this stuff for a long time.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] rifugee@lemmy.world 30 points 1 year ago (4 children)

In the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, they can be held back by any symbol of power that the wielder has faith in and the stronger the faith, the stronger the symbol. For example, Harry, the main character and a wizard, uses a pentagram instead of a cross because he has faith in his magic.

I've always thought that was pretty cool and it means that theoretically a devout Pastafarian could use the symbol of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to protect themselves from vampires.

[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A pastafarian holding back vampires is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in the Dresden files.

[–] SnipingNinja@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A pastafarian would just get garlic

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

No. The Pastafarian would already be protected due to copious amounts of ingested garlic while enjoying the holy daily portion of ramen.

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Perhaps, though the Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a rhetorical device than something people tend to sincerely believe.

It’s hard enough in vampire fiction to find true believers in conventional religion.

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

That’s not an uncommon take. In Vampire: The Masquerade, the idea of “true faith” is the same.

[–] psivchaz@reddthat.com 5 points 1 year ago

Before 2020 or so, I had a lot of faith in humanity. Does that mean I could just touch vampires to death, or would I need to like throw a child at them?

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Sorry to fact-check a pretty good shitpost, but I don't think lowercase t existed until later

[–] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.one 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] smeg@feddit.uk 9 points 1 year ago

I'm starting to think this Andrew Nadeau isn't a doctor of vampirology at all!

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm going to send you so much garlic

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 8 points 1 year ago

hissing sound

[–] SzethFriendOfNimi@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

In the Neutronium Alchemist (or one of the books in the Nights Dawn series) a vampire basically says “I was Muslim but that cross only works if you believe it works”

E.g. it’s the fundamental belief of the person wielding it that has the “psychic” effect on the ghost/vampire/remnant.

Edit: apparently it was a ghost who was Sunni and it’s the belief of the ghost that does it. E.g. why the crucifix had no effect on him but a crescent, for example, may have.

[–] JaymesRS 13 points 1 year ago

“You are a fool, Jacinto, all of my ancestors were Jews!”

[–] Emerald@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Image Transcription: Twitter Post


Andrew Nadeau, @TheAndrewNadeau

Imagine you were a vampire nowhere near the Middle East and don't know who Jesus is but the day after he dies you gotta figure out why lower case t's started hurting.

Lore meme I'm guessing that'll be a religion check?