this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
418 points (92.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26897 readers
2549 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 89 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (6 children)

Never tried heroin.

If, by some unfortunate circumstances, I survive to 70, I am doing ALL the heroin!

Why continue to play it safe? So I can eat watered down jello, observe my faculties and senses diminish day by day, and piss my pants for another 10-20 years until I expire like spoiled produce with Matlock playing in the background?

Too many people living and working for a possible retirement that may or may not come are going to be disappointed that all they slaved and sacrificed for was to be a worn out husk sitting in a chair too far into decomposition to start living 65 years in.

My work has taken me to countless retirement communities at every socio-economic level, from wards of the state who signed away their social security, to the wealthy family members that the 1% throws away to die. The only differences are in the food and the common area decor, and some cheap tapestries don't change the reality. There are a lot of courteous smiles, but absolutely zero happiness to be found in any of them in my experience.

I call working with the intent to make it to that literal shitshow planning for failure.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You are not accounting for your changing appetite and priorities though. Willing to bet heroine sounds much less appealing then than now. Maybe stop holding back so much and just do a little heroin now?

Also, check out the 99PI podcast on the Model Village - it might give you some hope for better options, but I'm not too excited as our species and especially my country are pretty good bout fucking these kinda things up.

[–] RootBeerGuy@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 1 year ago

Do a little heroin now, as a treat!

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

70? People these days are still in good shape at 70, I don't know what age you are but by the time you reach 70 you'll probably be today's 60 years old! I don't think we've got that many users on here that are over 60!

[–] Duranie@midwest.social 13 points 1 year ago

I work in hospice and have seen patients (and family members) 90+ who I could have mistaken for late 60s - early 70s. I also recently met a patient's wife who was 20 years younger than him, but was in worse shape and looked his age (82) if not older. Genetics and life experience are wild.

[–] knacht1@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 year ago

Nice to have you here!

[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Forget heroin do a heroic dose of shrooms

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I agree wholeheartedly. My wife and kid have a standing order that should I get dementia, I am to be left in the woods very far from civilization. And just to make that less likely, On my 70th birthday I will be buying the fastest available motorcycle. And no helmet. Which theoretically should have me reduced to a wet smear on the pavement in short order.

The worst thing I can think of is for me to be a burden on my loved ones.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Hi, I treat people with SUDs and many of them are in their 60s, some older. Nothing ruins lives like heroin. Nothing. People just want to enjoy their final years with family but addiction rips them away. People lose limbs to heroin. People lose minds.

How about instead you just say you wanna kill yourself at 70? Say it with your fucking chest and stop glorifying poison.

[–] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Of all the things to get clean for in life, your own funeral.

Humans are odd.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

If this was a religion, I'd be asking for the collection plate.

[–] RestrictedAccount@lemmy.world 51 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I could have gone my whole life without seeing a Kermit Goatsee

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I guess. If you can even call that a life

[–] Ragdoll_X@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Are you really even alive if you've never smashed that kermussy?

[–] Snowcano@startrek.website 23 points 1 year ago

What a terrible day to be literate

[–] sneezymrmilo@lemmy.world 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My God this post is vile 🤣

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Grandma deserves a healthy and natural double fisting too

[–] NoSpiritAnimal@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

This took a turn sharper than grans lower intestine

[–] Shapillon@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Whisper06@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Shapillon@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yup. What's wrong with it? Are people supposed to shed their libido at some point in their lives?

[–] Whisper06@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 year ago

Young people sex is kinda gross if you think about it. I understand old people are aloud to have a libido but that doesn’t mean I want to watch it or hear about it.

[–] Copythis@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Seriously.

I have to go into nursing homes all the time. The ladies at them are the thirstiest women I've ever met.

....but ya know, a hole is a hole 🤷

[–] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I ain't into old ladies but a Werther's original is a Werther's original.

[–] Copythis@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

That's where they get practice 😉

And don't get me started on when they remove the dentures!

[–] Deiv@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 year ago
[–] ShitOnABrick@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If there's a hole there's a goal

[–] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A pensioner's vag is like a pork pie. You have to break through the crust and the jelly to get to the meat

[–] Pyroglyph@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Just curious here, but why did you guys see the title "Senior Citizen Sex" and still decide to click the link?

On second though, I don't want to know.

[–] Shapillon@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Because a lot of people find older folks having sex really icky. And it's such a deeply ingrained and weird take.

So I'm here to dispute it.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 year ago

They are all members of the Lemon Party.

[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have spent my waking life on the Internet since 2400 baud modems. Christ, Lemonparty made the rounds since 2002. Nothing fazes me.

[–] steakmeout@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Can’t have a Lemonparty without Old Dick!

[–] db2@sopuli.xyz 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think you might have some issues, op.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 year ago

At least my fair share lol

[–] TheBlue22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago

My granddad once said to me, "It's really humid today"

To which I replied "Aye tell me something I don't know!"

He said, "Err......ok. I can fit my whole fist up your gran's arse"

[–] dipshit@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

Grannie can get it

[–] ricdeh@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My better half works in a nursing home. The one she works in now is more "independent", she used to work in a nursing home that also had a "memory care" (Alzheimer's/dementia) wing.

She explains that the sex is rampant. Her favorite story was about a couple who would sneak into a supply closet to do the sweaty, wrinkly deed. But they weren't as sneaky as they thought, because they would park their walkers outside the closet.

What happens sometimes, is you have these elderly people, who have lost someone they have been married to for decades. And they're lonely, but they are surrounded by other people around their age who have also lost someone who was in their lives for decades.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Plus they don't have anything else to do.

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In a few years, they'll all be playing counter strike instead of jumping each other.

[–] warmaster@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I dream of my final years being like my first days: playing videogames viciously.

[–] PeePantsMcgee@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago

I just sent this to my mother-in-law AND father-in-law

[–] recapitated@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Downloaded and scheduled text to my child for 35 years from now.

[–] banneryear1868@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Used to deliver medication to an air force vet at a nice retirement residence, would knock on the door and hear a woman go "teehee just a minute" and there'd be like two ladies on the couch in his living room space. Guy was living the dream lol

It's actually mostly hand stuff.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

As someone in their 40s with a teenager, I'm looking forward to my 50s when it's possible I might get to have sex again. Because they don't have a bedtime.

load more comments
view more: next ›