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“The Onion is proud to acquire Infowars, and we look forward to continuing its storied tradition of scaring the site’s users with lies until they fork over their cold, hard cash,” said The Onion CEO Ben Collins. “Or Bitcoin. We will also accept Bitcoin.”
This is gold.
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
Probably accept that, too!
My absolute favorite part of this is that they also own his supplement business now.
As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.
I spent about ten minutes trying to figure out if this was just an Onion headline ..... only to realize it is indeed an Onion headline ... this is beautiful
Everything about this brings me joy. I was hoping it would be Cards Against Humanity, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is even better.
I was hoping it would be Knowledge Fight and they’d just subtly transform the content, so as to wean the existing audience into actual facts (e: Dan does a helluvan Alex impression), but the schadenfreude here is very nice.
His supplement business was under the same business ownership? That's preposterously stupid and hilarious.
I'm not exactly shocked he was that stupid, but yeah, that made me laugh the hardest.
He's been very transparent in his attempts to move stuff around, telling his audience exactly what he's been up to.
Active ingredients:
Salt
Isn't it usually sugar? (With a big helping of snake oil.)
In order to make the bid work, the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” the families said in a statement.
The power of unity and determination beautifully demonstrated.
That is also one of they ways we can stop gun violence. Bring back the sense of community and being one people. Also common sense gun reforms.
I love that
They're turning the freaking frogs gay!
is now officially an Onion story.
Also that was the only conspiracy he covered that was slightly grounded in reality. The atrazine poisoning was hermaphrodizing the frogs. Of course more regulation to stop pollution is not a solution that dumbfuck jones would support..:
I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the fricking frogs trans
No no, that water was for all our illegal immigrants in prison.
In case you haven’t seen it:
My favourite is the Indie Folk song version: https://youtu.be/KGAAhzreGWw?si=DNESi3LCH85MMLXP
That’s amazing! But fuck it for putting naked Alex Jones in my head. I was hoping to sleep peacefully tonight.
As a policy wonk I feel that this was the correct buyer. Damn, it couldn't be funnier. The Onion now owns Alex Jones' former twitter account.
Love to see it!
It would be great if The Onion could use this site to help grow an information platform to counter the Rights enormous disinformation network. And using satire or jokes can maybe break through the noise of main stream media who always treat the fascists with kid gloves.
LFG!
I wonder if they would be willing to gift the desk to Knowledge Fight...? I know Dan has wished he could get his hands on that for a long time.
That was my first thought as well! Just gift something from the set to Knowledge Fight.
Hell, they could full on partner up
Thats a great idea! I was thinking the QAnon Anonymous podcast folks would be great for conspiracy deep dives. They already are but on infowars that would be perfect 🤌
Just when the country needed a laugh the most, The Onion went and did the funniest thing they could possibly do. This is a wonderful morning.
The hilarious part is infowars.com is going to troll Alex Jones new site so hard.
So the families gave up a pile of money in order to back The Onion's bid and make sure Jones wasn't just reinstalled doing the same shit as before under the Infowars banner. Wonder who the shitbirds were that made a 7-figure offer to do that fuckery? I wonder if it rhymes with Felon Tusk?
I hope they do what the Colbert Report did, keep the inforwars name and let it be a right wing lampooning.
But a federal judge in Texas ordered a hearing into how the Onion – known for bite – won the bidding, after Jones and his lawyers raised questions about how the auction was conducted.
Yeah, seems like there was some behind the scenes work so that the onion could buy it, we'll see if it stands up in the (I assume deeply corrupt...) bankruptcy court. God, I hope it does....
It's not some secret, I think it was in the AP reporting. The victims took a lower offer for the asset from The Onion because they didn't want it to continue to spread hate.
Yeah, don't think it was a secret by any means but I do think my understanding of bankruptcy proceedings is lacking to the point I have no idea if that will invalidate the sale like InfoWars is claiming in their suit.
I will gladly eat that onion.
I love this so much. It's perfect!
Time to start working on my alternative writing personality, trans socialist Jordane Petersburg. Or should I be Bo Rogaine?
Be sure to give your self a military background as an antifa paratrooper super soldier. Maybe get a J6er as the pfp.
Is this what being on drugs is like in normal times?
I'm being a lazy sack. I skimmed the article but didn't find an amount they won it for, has anyone seen how much they just paid the man who needs to pay his dues?
They paid him nothing. The auction was for the settlement of debts in bankruptcy court. Basically, the courts seized his assets including Infowars and auctioned them off to cover the outstanding debts owed.
Per NPR: The sale, which still needs to be approved by a bankruptcy judge, includes Jones' studio and equipment, his lucrative online nutritional supplement store, domain names, customer lists and some of his social media accounts.
So it'll be fun when all settled
Oh fuck yeah let me get my popcorn. Peice of shit deserves all that.
I love this, I hope they turn it into a fake far-right website to mess with conservatives
Honestly, it's the perfect platform b/c it was already filled with joke level insight.