The lighter side of ADHD
Insert horrified looks when I tell me friends some "funny stories" from my childhood. :D
"Pug, you're an incredibly smart kid, but you're lazy."
Me, unable to remember homework, but acing every test and going above-and-beyond on any project with freeform requirements, leading to solid Bs and Cs despite half my assignments being a flat 0 for not being turned in: "Yeah."
... kind of wish someone looked a little deeper into the issue at the time.
Growing up neurodivergent in the 80s and not being disruptive enough to demand said deeper look may lead to:
My mom used to talk in code a lot for no fucking reason. She’d throw out the weirdest segues and irrelevant stories. When I (barely) graduated from a gifted kids high school, she jumped from telling me she was proud of me, to telling me that when my sister was little, all her teachers told her that she should be “tested” - heavily implying it was for learning disabilities - and added that “none of [her] babies are retarded.”
2 things - that sister had dyscalculia and never got beyond an associates degree because she kept failing math. And it took until my mom died to figure out she was also talking about me - and every one of my siblings.
When going through my mom’s things, I found out that she ignored the advice of several teachers and school counselors to get me tested for ADHD. Because she didn’t want a ‘damaged’ kid.
Now that’s a tough pill to swallow. How’d you cope with that?
It prompted me to begin the process of being evaluated.
Insofar as the emotional aspects?
I had made a choice not to speak with her many years before. She was a badly broken person who refused to change in any way. Her response to having her failings pointed out was defensiveness and accusations against the accuser.
Sometimes you doubt yourself when it comes to cutting off a parent. Was it really that bad? Were they really that harmful?
I don’t think it’s fair to say I ever hated her. I went from mad to sad for her, to just disappointed.
Learning these things about her was more or less met with a bitter chuckle. Rueful, I suppose. It was further validation that she put her ego over my well-being. But I can’t change what is. I can’t undo a life of forgetting, of failing at things because despite accidentally deploying almost every ADHD coping mechanism, I still needed additional help.
I do regret that I didn’t know I had ADHD much earlier in life. It would have made so many things easier. I’m probably delayed about 10-15 years professionally because of struggles in school, as well as poor social skills (which are better in recent years, mind you). My most noticeable symptom is that I have object permanence issues - awareness of ADHD probably would have prevented me from developing some negative self assumptions*, and perhaps empowered me to not harm, or at least mitigate some of that harm for people who just ceased to exist for me when life was tumultuous and my working memory was too small to encompass them.
*And the assumptions are, if not valid, then reasonable to understand - when I am not interacting with someone, they just crystallize in my head into the person they last were. I have crushes on people I haven’t seen in years because they haven’t changed in my head. Conversely, I have a friendship with another object permanence person that is fantastic. We see each other once or twice a year and it’s like we never stopped talking. But for most people I atrophy and attenuate. I fade. People forget me. They get upset because I don’t reach out. I don’t remember they exist. And so when I see someone I haven’t seen in years and I remember them and want to give them a big hug and treat them like they are exactly as close as we were the last time we saw each other, they (rightfully) treat me like a stranger, and it hurts in a way that I … am going to talk to my therapist about, because I’m off the rails. But I feel that I don’t have a social home, because there’s no place my social self lives. I am a ghost.
That’s why I picked this username, actually. Because it means I’m still here.
Fuck, man, the stigmatization of neurodivergence has done so much damage to so many people :(
Can't have ADHD if you don't get tested! Fucking brilliant.
Same here. I didn't get diagnosed until a couple of years ago but the signs were always there...
Now I'm just biding my time until my youngest two get the diagnosis (my husband and I both are ADHD, and our other kids have already been diagnosed).
High potential + severe adhd => ticking bomb
You got the “good” (/s) adhd. There’s the other adhd where you suck at tests because you can’t pay attention and you don’t do the homework or projects either.
Well, I definitely didn't pay attention in class. I slept through a number of my classes on the regular. But I was a little bookworm desperately short of books, so I gleefully and willingly poured over the textbooks in my free time. Or in math class, which bored me to tears and I was never any good at.
I kinda wonder how the fuck I wasn't diagnosed as a kid but my siblings were. I remember going to a therapist as a kid and yet nothing was said or done about any problems I had.
And now these horribly abused children are adults with their own children.
Thankfully a lot of them are learning to break the cycle of parental mental abuse
You don’t have to die alone!
You can get sterilized then start (or join) an anarcho-communist polyamorous commune. If you find the right mix of traumas, it can function really well! Or end in fire. But it will be exciting, and you won’t be alone!
That’s what we need, more good old sex cults.
I agree, my anarcho-communist polycule is fun. And very queer.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself. "
"Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself. "
I did not get out early, but my eventual spouse and I were on the same page: the crazy stops with me.
My sister had different plans and now has two neurodivergent kids. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
I was told that I was under the influence of demons! Which, to a child raised in a deeply religious household, will absolutely destroy any sense self-worth you have. Especially when the goal is to make you act like the complete opposite of who / what you simply are at your core.
Too bad for my parents, because now I both don't like people and have a burning hatred for religious establishments!
With certain very rare exceptions to specific individuals...
Fuck the Boomers.
And their parents.
Signed "You'll never be able to function in normal civilized society with that attitude!"
Dick parfaits for the lot of em.
I loved how mental healthcare was treated like satanism in the '90s. Especially by the religious.
I was forced to adapt for survival but that doesn't mean it wasn't a struggle. Also I didn't do "fine" in school, though that's the front I put up. In reality I barely graduated high school and scraped by with like a 1.8 GPA, couldn't get into college, and got kicked out of community college. And I hurt a lot of people I cared deeply about along the way too.
Read Neurotribes by Steve Silberman
One asshole at Hopkins, leo kanner, sat on neuridiversity info all through most boomer childhoods.
Their parents got blamed for it by their own depression-era parents.
There was only one way to be, only certain foods, everything else was either a sin or a personal failure. Those kids could not answer questions honestly, just repeat back the same approved cultural pablum that maga wants to go back to.
Simple has several meanings.
The only light was Dr. Spock, but too subtle for many readers, he had to couch things carefully in his time and the culture was deafening.
Only after Lorna Wing released her work in the 70s did it start to normalise for some Gen Xers.
It seems to me that mental health issues, including, but not limited to, ADHD, are being taken more seriously.
Previously, the lazy, slacker, troublemaker kids were just beaten until they did what they were told.
Yeah, I'd say the threat of violence is a pretty good motivator to overcome the symptoms of mental conditions, and at least mask so hard that people can't tell that you're a complete fucking mess, right up until the day that your mental health degrades so much that you off yourself.
Thanks.
Ever wonder why so many people break down in their 30's/40's?
I thought the mid 30s nervous breakdown was just the next big adult milestone...drive, vote, buy tobacco, gamble, buy alcohol, rent a car, get married, buy a house, have a kid, have a nervous breakdown, get a colonoscopy, and then just wait for the clutches of death.
Imagine how they treated Grandma as a child, then.
Grandma gets a lot of leeway from me, as she grew in WW1, lived through WW2 and was tortured during the civil war. She has hard as steel. For me it's still a funny story, especially since at the time I was hiding under a desk scream-crying "iiiiiiiiii" like a goddamn bombing alarm and she just wanted me to shut up :D
Kids are getting diagnosed with mental health issues, and I'm hearing a lot less about kids killing their parents...
So what you're saying is, physical violence against kids works to prevent symptoms of ADHD&autism from being too debilitating? Cause I'm not sure that's the message you wanna put out there.
"works" is doing some heavy lifting here. ND people having to mask is stressful. It's not for our primary benefit, it's for others. It' "works" the same way that beatings "work" to prevent left-handedness.
@db0 I am genuinely curious. Your post has no any tag, but why does it is on my 'hashtags' tab?
So far I can see three of your posts on the tab.
I am using Tusky.
Lemmy is adding the tags in the activitypub metadata which mastodon then correctly reads. The tags don't need to be in the text of the post for mastodon to parse them (neither do the reply usernames for that purpose). It's just that in your normal mastodon interface, it only parses things from your text, so you're used to seeing it there.
EDIT: In this specific case, you're seeing it in the #adhd tag, because it's tagged like this for being posted in the !adhd@lemmy.dbzer0.com comm.
@db0 Ahhh I see. Yes, the hashtag tab contains 'adhd', 'mentalhealth', 'ocd', 'ptsd', 'depression' and 'anxiety'.
Thanks for the information. I really appreciate it.
She knew your parents well.
