this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2024
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Autism

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How do you get other people to speak with you? Usually I never know what to say in response.

Being a chatterbox hasn’t worked out too well throughout my life. Even in my second language, German, it’s evident im sort of a “parrot” when it comes to learned social phrases.

Socially exhausted right now and feeling like an alien.

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[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 25 points 1 month ago (10 children)

Ask questions, then just listen to the answers. Nod and add the occasional 'go on.'

People will usually let you know what excites/interest them. If someone is wearing a football jersey ask them what the best game they ever saw was.

People don't expect you to entertain them, they just want to know that you are interested in them

[–] gronjo45@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago (7 children)

That sounds simple enough for me to remember! Focusing on being a better listener is what I should be working on.

But what if there are no immediate things to talk about? What if the conversation falls flat? Do you have a 3 strikes rule before you walk away from the interaction?

Maybe I’m getting too much in my head about things. Thanks for the reassurance 😊 This community always makes me feel more secure with some of my inner concerns about socializing and my perception in the eyes of others.

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

"Comfortable silence" is a thing.

And walking away is always an option. "I'm gonna see who else is here," or "I'm going to get a drink/some fresh air" or "good talk." are acceptable ways of ending a chat

[–] y0kai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Agreed, however I recommended against "good talk", personally.

No one has ever said that to me after having what might actually be considered a "good" talk. I find it's usually only said by someone who has tried to start a conversation and I have failed to effectively reciprocate.

@y0kai @Dagwood222 Seconded on that one, it's definitely more used with a negative/sarcastic connotation

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 1 points 1 month ago

Whatever works.

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