this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
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mental health stuff - working stuff out by writing....
I had a lovely day out with friends but struggled to get any enjoyment out of it, and to focus on the moment (very brainfoggy). Made me realise I'm further down the depression path then I thought. I've had a few big stressful things going on that have made me anxious and down. But it's gone beyond external - haven't felt this disconnected and ...grey... for a long time.
I came home and went straight to bed - just felt completely overwhelmed. Have managed to make dinner finally by putting on a podcast for company. And that's rice and dal so I'll get lunch out of it too. I need to plan out my work week - it's busy and I like to get ahead of it on sunday but I'm just burned. No I can't realistically take a mental health day or three right now either (for reasons, trust me)
So. this week I will:
god, that sounds exhausting. And I need to realise it is exhausting - so I will use my 'spoons' for food, washing, sleeping, moving. And the work I have to do. That's going to be it this week.
I'm going to post here to try to keep track. Hopefully it's just from stress/burnout and I can get back out of the hole with a couple of weeks of care.
I might join you... I'm pretty good with having breakfast/dinner after 20 years of being inconsistent with either. But I have a habit of coming home from work, eating dinner on the couch and then not moving from there until I go to bed. I have almost no friends in Melbourne so I spend my weekends doing much the same.
You've got this! ๐