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Having Your Performance Misjudged Distorts How You Assess Others‌‌ (insights.som.yale.edu)

submitted 6 days ago by Pro@programming.dev to c/science@mander.xyz

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[–] bizarroland@fedia.io 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Those are good advices and I will take them into consideration. I know I'll get over it eventually, But at the same time I also know that one, she's higher in the corporate hierarchy than I am, and two, if you were a boss and you heard a man trying to complain about being unfairly judged over a passive allegation of sexist creepiness versus a highly ranked and respected woman who made the allegation. It's in your best financial interests to believe the woman and dismiss the complaints of the man.

Don't get me wrong, I know that 99 times out of 100, it's actually the man being a creep. It sucks to be in that 1% category this one time.

[–] Reyali@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago

Yeah… her being in a higher position does add complexity. But you also have the coworker whose photo you were specifically talking about to back you up, right?

If one of the guys who reports to me told me this, I’d probably give them the same advice as I gave you, but add an offer talk to her for him. (But tbf I’ve received enough feedback to know I’m not exactly an average manager.)

You’re compassionate enough to know that you’re in the 1% on this and don’t seem resentful about that, so I’m sure people in your workplace see that in you. I don’t think talking about this is inherently “complaining,” as you put it, and how you present it could help a lot.

I keep a framework about giving feedback in my back pocket to use and share all the time, and I can’t help but share it here. It recommends formatting the feedback in 4 steps (with an example of what you might say for each part):

Context (I was looking at photos with X, discussing examples of the poor photography practices resulting in subpar photos when Y came in and heard part of our conversation)
Observation (I believe Y misconstrued our conversation to be about the people in the photos, not the photography issues, because she gave me feedback to not speak about coworker’s looks and didn’t give me a chance to explain that’s not what we were doing)
Results (I am feeling afraid that Y may be misjudging my actions and that is causing me to withdraw from interacting with her)
Next Steps (I want to resolve this so I don’t feel awkward around Y and to ensure my reputation isn’t negatively impacted; I’ve considered [these approaches] and would like your input on how to move forward)

It’s from a training called Radical Candor and they call it CORE, but c’mon, it’s CORNS! 🌽 I hope it might help you!